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Young Writers Society



Love is something, but

by brielle


True Love never dies; it only gets strong over time

Even thou I’m young, love finds it way in my heart

People say, we don’t know what love is? But we do.

We see love in a different way from others

But, we love like no other.

Some grownups think love is for adults

But, it’s for us to.

It’s weird because our parents say go discovery something

But, every time we do we find love.

They say we don’t feel love, but we know what feel

I can’t help it, but think of him every day, it’s just what I feel.

When I’m with him, when his gone, and when I see him.

I can sense the love, from a mile away.

They don’t know what we feel sometimes.

The world changes and people change, but true love never change.

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187 Reviews

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Reviews: 187

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Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:27 pm
PeanutPhoebe says...



Hey!! And welcome to YWS:) So TheMessenger and whitewolfpuppy seem to have all the technical details, so I won't go over that. Overall, this is a very interesting poem, and I assume that it's based on a true experience, which is always cool:) In some ways I think free verse is harder poetry to write than lyric, because even though it has no rhyme, it should still have a good beat, which can be hard to do. I think you did pretty well at that, but it could be improved. Some of the lines are just off. I don't really have complaints on the content, I like that part. Great work, and keep writing!!

Lady Celestia, the Golden Knight




PeanutPhoebe says...


whoops, i did it twice;) Trying out an idea for my title as a knight...



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187 Reviews

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Reviews: 187

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Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:26 pm
PeanutPhoebe wrote a review...



Hey!! And welcome to YWS:) So TheMessenger and whitewolfpuppy seem to have all the technical details, so I won't go over that. Overall, this is a very interesting poem, and I assume that it's based on a true experience, which is always cool:) In some ways I think free verse is harder poetry to write than lyric, because even though it has no rhyme, it should still have a good beat, which can be hard to do. I think you did pretty well at that, but it could be improved. Some of the lines are just off. I don't really have complaints on the content, I like that part. Great work, and keep writing!!

Lady Celestia, the Golden Knight




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Tue Oct 08, 2013 10:50 pm
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Messenger wrote a review...



The Knight Messenger here to review for the KotGR.
So first off welcome to YWS! Hope you love it as much as I have.

love finds it way in my heart

"It" should have an s on the end of it.

Some grownups think love is for adults

I would suggest putting a dash in between grown and ups.

It’s weird because our parents say go discovery something

There is no need for the y on the end of discovery.

They say we don’t feel love, but we know what feel

You are missing a "we" in between what and feel. also you need a period at the end of this line.

When I’m with him, when his gone, and when I see him.

It should be 'he is' instead of "his"

The world changes and people change, but true love never change.

I really like this line, but you need and s on change.

So, overall I really liked this poem. I liked the message and the flow of it all. I hope you don't think me harsh with all the things I pointed out, because if you fix them then you will have a really beautiful poem, not tat you don't already.
Keep it up!




brielle says...


Thanks you. i didnt noticed the small misstakes, and i well improve my work.



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88 Reviews

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Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:00 pm
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whitewolfpuppy wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm Onyx and I will be reviewing your poem today! :)

Comments
You did a wonderful job! I like how you use your own experience at the end of the poem! Here are just a few things that I would like to point out, so here we go.

Even thou I’m young,

"Thou" is spelled "Though" That is more of a text-style term.

love finds it way in my heart

I believe there should be a period at the end of "heart"

They say we don’t feel love, but we know what feel

Here, there should be a period after "feel"

Over all
Over all you did an amazing job, I love how you are creative with the poem and use some real life experiences within it. You show a good idea how parents and kids work with the idea of love and I agree. I know what it is like to be told that I have no idea what it is. I like how you convey that side of the argument as well. If you need anything else reviewed. Feel free to send me a message on my profile and I will be more than happy. Thank you for your time and keep on writing!
~Onyx




brielle says...


Thank you.!




You won't know the outcome of something unless you try it.
— manilla