Why does it still hurt?
Why is this brewing like a new bag of tea?
Water keeps going through, like you’re going right threw me
This tea is getting bitter like this love between you and I.
I keep adding sugar but nothing’s happening, this bitter Love isn’t my kind of love and
You asked me if my love will ever change but I said
“My love for you will never change even if we were a thousand miles away.”
I’m not even going to says I never thought about it, but when I try to, something just keeps pulling me back, saying I need you in my life
Just as in the ocean pushes some of the water out it calls it back home.
Because that is where it belongs, And we Belong together
This is what I call bitter sweet love.
Hard to handle, but easy to love.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,753 Reviews
Hello, Chips here with a review.
I liked the title you chose, although it's quite a popular one I've seen. You used some nice descriptions, I liked the ending most when you gave your own definition of "Bitter Sweet", as "Hard to handle, but easy to love" which was great.
However I do have some suggestions and criticisms for you which may be of help to you.
You have a lack of grammar and punctuation at certain points in your poem, but they can be easily fixed so I'll address them to you first and foremost.
"Why is this brewing like a new bag of tea?"
Here, the wording doesn't sound too poetic, I assume you're referring to a teabag? I suggest rephrasing it.
"Water keeps going through, like you’re going right threw me"
The second homophone "threw" does not make sense it should be *through* again, but that would cause a repetition in the same line which you want to avoid, so I think it would be even better if you just changed the word altogether. You also need to add a full-stop.
"This tea is getting bitter like this love between you and I."
There should be a comma after the word, "like".
"I keep adding sugar but nothing’s happening, this bitter Love isn’t my kind of love and"
There isn't much need for the word "Love" to be capitalized in the middle of this sentence.
"You asked me if my love will ever change but I said"
"but" should be *and*. There should be a comma after the word, "said".
"I’m not even going to says I never thought about it, but when I try to, something just keeps pulling me back, saying I need you in my life"
"says" should read as *say*. You could also reduce on the commas included here.
"Because that is where it belongs, And we Belong together"
"And", should be lowercase.
As an overview of this piece, I think it reads more like a diary entry, as oppose to a poem sometimes so maybe using more poetic devices. Be careful with the way you phrase sentences, they have the tendency to not flow and bring a slight awkwardness - what helps is reading it aloud to yourself so you know which parts are interrupting the flow. It could also be presented in a more structured way which is makes it easier for the reader to read.
Overall this has good potential. I hope this review helped. Keep writing!
--Chips x
Thank you
Hey, Viv here. At first I thought the narrator was saying she didn't love this person, or that she was losing love for this person. But I like your description of their love as bitter sweet like tea, not great, but not bad either.
The first typo I saw was "I'm not even going to says", which should be "say". The line after this I think you could reword a bit to be something like "Just as the ocean pushes some water out and calls it back home." But you don't need to, I just think it'd make it flow smoother. The poem is still beautiful though.