I wished that knew you, that I love you.
The pain inside of me, lingers around.
But, the guilt of leaving feds my emotions
The sound of hearing your voice makes me smile
Memories, of us come to my mind, and make me giggle
Hugs are soft as a teddy bear; make me want to stay in your arms forever
The feel of our first kiss, is sweet. Taste like candy treats
But, the Third time was better.
The moments we shared, I wished it can happen again
Sometimes I wish I can just capture or rewind the good times
Skip all the bad, and hope for the better.
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Canary word: Present
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
Hai there! Alex here reviewing for you and the ice cream warrior... thing...
Anyway the thing I liked about this poem was the oddness of the comparisions for example:
I found that interesting and... kind of cute XD
There are a few minor mistakes such as:
I think you meant:
Also:
I think you mean:
Also the comma in my opinion, is unnecessary.
Finally:
I think the "and make me giggle!" makes the line drag on for too long.
Besides those minor errors this is very good
Alex out, beep.
Flame here! Absolutely loved the poem, just a few nitpicks...
Grammatical mistakes. Don't be too comma-happy! Here's a lesson for you: Never use a comma after the conjunction "but" in a complex sentence, only before it. And semicolons...if you're using a semicolon in that respect, you'd have to add a subject to the second clause to make it grammatically correct ("Hugs are soft as a teddy bear; THEY make me want to stay in your arms forever.") You also neglected periods in some places where you added them in others? There are a few more I could mention, but they're so small that I think you can easily fix them by rereading the piece...
I might also recommend taking a look at the structure? The line breaks are a bit random at times?
Wait, I forgot to discuss what I liked about it! It's short and sweet, like Happy mentioned, and really gets the point across. I loved the ending, but your writing was fluent throughout the piece!
Can't wait to read more of your work!
Flame
Hello
This was a nice read. Short and sweet. However, there are a few grammatical errors you need to fix. I do like how this poem flows. You have a nice way with words. Keep writing poems. I would enjoy reading more.