Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I woke up this morning thinking about him again, on how the way he flattered me into his arms, and his dark blue eyes, that matched the Sky when the sun sets. He was everything I need in a man: Passionate, loving, caring, and Loyalty. But there was something about him that made him evil inside, I could see the scars left on his heart which still remains. And the Hurt in his eyes that made me wonder about him. About why he loves, the way he do and why he acts the way he does. IT was something special that I couldn’t get my mind rapped around him. Ever since I first met him, I didn’t know how important he would be to me in my life, my future. IT all happened in senior year of college.
Hmm...well that was a bit of a journey there that one, as far as first paragraphs that one managed to be quite a rollercoaster in terms of the descriptions. Things started out as wholesome and loving before it did a sudden dive into the territory of secrecy and hidden evil before it then ends on another wholesome note. Soo...I am not quite sure what sort of note you want this story here to be starting off on and that makes things just a tiny bit confusing there..you might want to look into rewording that paragraph to see exactly which vibe you want to give off there at the beginning.
“Hello, Ms. Johnson,” The Libraryen said.
“Hey, Mr.Mc’Canley,” I said. Walking to the front desk, returning some books. Then that’s when I noticed a strange person that kept peekng out of the bookself to look at me. He looked formeler, so i walked over there to him. Trying not to look creepy, and follow him. I went to the back of the liebraary, here goes nothing i said in my head.
"Hey, my name is Maya,"
Okayy...looks like this scene then shifts to the scene where the two of them actually met, and well, that's a pretty neat transition there...certainly is appropriate for how it ended there in the first paragraph. Well this appears to be just be your regular shy meeting between perhaps someone that has a crush on this person or just two people who are curious about each other judging by the descriptions here. At any rate, that's a pretty normal looking meeting between two characters with our protagonist here being the one that takes the initiative and introduces themselves first. And well, that's a pretty decent ending there.
At any rate, this seems like a pretty solid start to a story that I would in fact read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4114
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