I am a Writer of Things
Of my your past, present, and future
Of when my incredible mind
Is struggling to nurture...................thoughts
A Writer of Things
Looks through the brains
Past stupidity and grains
Of wisps of thoughts
Into your very soul
A Writer of Things
Sees worries and doubts
And knows the where-abouts
Of spectacular, incredible genius
They don't use much
To reach the center of you and touch
The heart with words that gently tug that part
With rhythm and pull
To tug and shatter
Making you think:
"What is the matter
With me?"
And so you see
A Writer of Things
Is spectacular indeed.
They paint a picture
That breaks apart
The pumping pieces of your heart
The canvas on which the words are spread
Lift up the long gone dead
To haunt your soul
To prompt and pull
Time takes a toll
And pulls you to the ground
We break you down
'Til your sobbing on a mound
Of worries and shattered hope
They paint the wind
That lifts you up
No longer inclined to mope.
We spread our wings
So you can fly
Away with no sadness and worry
There's no need to hurry...
A Writer of Things
Knows just the way
To pull all your emotions away
To the land of imagination
Leaving quite a sensation...
This, a Writer of Things does.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This is a very good poem! I especially like towards the middle the imagery that you used. As I tell all my reviewees, I LOVE imagery, and I encourage its use always. I also think this was a good description of a writer.
However, there were a few things I didn't like about this poem, and I'm going to be harsh and honest, but remember, I still love you. At the beginning, I didn't particularly like how the word 'me' was crossed out. It sort of takes away from the rest of the poem, since the poem is longer, and doesn't have any other crossed out words. Also, I did like the rhyme in the middle, but it seemed to mess up the rhythm of the rest of the poem. And finally, I didn't really like the last line. I think you should close with restating that this is what the writer of things does, but not necessarily as you did. The way the words are put together doesn't really flow with last few lines before it.
Anyways, good job! Thanks for the read!
herby
The first two poems were about nature, but I think the last two should be recatagorized in your portfolio a "Strange things"!
Let me assume that the lack of punctuation is a poetic device, and not a mistake, and I think it works well, because it gives the poem a steady flow, like gently moving water.
I liked the last line, "This, a Writer of Things does." because it refers back to the title (which is a very nice title by the way) and cocludes (however you spell it) the poem.
Hope This Helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks! Yes, I will move this into the suggested portfolio. Yes, the lack of punctuation was on purpose. So great that you liked it! You spell "conclude" the way I just spelled it, if that's what you meant when you said "(however you spell it)". Thanks for the review!
~Racket
No, I meant I couldn't spell conclude!
This was actually quite a good piece. There is really nothing of importance to complain about.
You plot/topic is good, your grammar is good (as far as I can see, but then again I might have missed something, and if I had, I apologize), as well as your spelling. Your flow is excellent, if a but choppy due to lack of punctuation, and your plot/topic (I'm still trying to figure out what I should call it in poetry) is very relatable to, especially on this site.
The one thing that I think would make this work better than it already is would be a little more punctuation. You have some, and where you have it is good, but adding a few commas, semi-colons, or colons here and there wouldn't hurt, and would help make your flow better.
The last thing that I would like to mention is your rhyme scheme. It's not very structured at all, and it in truth is everywhere. Normally I would complain about this, but here it works in my opinion. It's scattered, rather like I am when I write.
As for the punctuation, here are a few suggestions. You don't have to take them, but I will mention one area to show you what I mean.
And I would separate this into stanzas. However, the formatting hates us all and it probably didn't let you do that. If this is true, try pressing shift before you press enter. This works for me.
Peace,
HT
Thanks for your suggestions and praise! I'll try the "shift" thing. (I love your avatar by the way, that's my favorite movie). I think you should call it topic. Plots are a little rare in poetry in my opinion.
Thanks! ^.^
~Racket
Hi racket, Sparkle here to review!
This poem is spectacular in that it explores a topic (the power of writing) that is written about often, but in such a new and interesting way that it feels totally original! The way you keep repeating the words "a Writer of Things" brings the reader back to the main topic of the poem very nicely.
something that confused me a bit was the crossed out 'my' in the beginning of the poem. I just didn't understand why it was there. It took me a moment to understand your rhyme scheme, too, but that may be because it's fairly early here and I haven't yet had anything caffeinated.
Something else I noticed was that you capitalized the beginning of every line. I know Microsoft Word does that automatically, but unless you have a specific reason for it I don't think it's necessary.
This is a very good poem, and I enjoyed it a lot.
I hope this helped, and keep writing!
Thank you so much! Yeah, I don't really have a rhyme scheme, I don't feel the need. XD Plus, i'm kind of bad at it. The reason "my" is crossed out is to show that I can portray both my and your "past, present, and future".
Thanks for everything!
~Racket
A nice poem. I like how you have portrayed the image of a writer. Your rhyming words are very nice as well. Everything is perfect just the way it is.
Thank you!!!
Racket,
I think this poem is very GRAND, and it really makes me think of life.
Life is made up of emotions. People should write more like A Writer Of Things. They should make you stop and let them take you to the land of imagination, just like you wrote. They should enhance your emotions, make you happy, angry, sad, and more. This poem made me think of a lot, makes me want to sit there for hours and think about life. See, it takes away my bad emotions and lets me think..... happy!
Your BFF,
Blablabl92
I like the way this poem is going and the idea that you are portraying. I do have some tips and suggestions to help make it perhaps more clear and easier to read. I definitely think there needs to be some editing done, maybe some lines are unnecessary and take away form the overall poem. Also some words that you rhyme seem like maybe you just used them because it was easy to keep the poem going by using simple words that rhyme. Maybe take a little bit more time to figure out exactly what you are trying to say instead of focusing on what will rhyme. One more thing is that I feel this poem would benefit from some punctuation. I really do like this a lot and I only suggested things that I think would help the poem become a bit stronger and reach out to more people.
My favorite line:
"They paint a picture
That breaks apart
The pumping pieces of your heart
The canvas on which the words are spread"
Please keep writing I think there is a lot of potential here.
-Laci<3