The darkness is an envelope
Spiraling,
Cascading over like
Water from a fountain
Spilling over
Dry and terrible and
Shadowed.
Tripping,
Falling over
Round and round
The abyss greets like an old friend
Constant and
Calm,
With underlying currents of
Agitation and
Dread.
There is light at the end of the hallway
The steps do not lead out into the glory, though the
Path is dark and
Blinding and
Painful.
Waking is not so peaceful as sleep,
And yet more alive
If life is a dream,
What of reality?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello.
The first thing that caught my eye was the title, and from you knowing you, your poems are quite something. Another thing is your imagery describing life and whatnot. Seems to have a cliche meaning as most people focus on this, however you seem to describe it a little different. If you read it in your head, you can find no mistakes and it seems to be more depending on the feeling, or tone.
I feel like the beginning of this poem is a not comparing to the rest poem. The metaphor doesn't completely make sense (to me, that is). It seems a little tight and should be flowed out, however I haven't read most of your poems to understand your underlining writing style (maybe few poems). Try using different adjectives for the beginning and think about how the beginning is going to shape the poem as a whole.
To me, I think some people could relate to this in a sentimental way. This poem needs some work and from what I know, it'll be lovely no matter what.
Blaspherica
Well, thank you! Yes, I will look into the intro. Thanks for the review!
Hi, I thought your poem looked interesting so I decided to leave a review for you. I hope it helps, but I'm sure you have no errors. First I'd just like to mention how your title seems very fascinating, which drew me into wanting to review it. Here we go:
I have a question, when you say, what of reality? Are you just saying, what is reality, or you're dreaming about reality? I think it is a very nice sentence, I was just wondering.
I didn't find any mistakes, I thought you did a very good job. Something I liked was how you said the darkness is calm, yet we are agitated and dreadful. It gives us a look on the world, how some bad people find joy in good people suffering, or just how easy it is for us to lose our path. You can look at this poem in many ways, and I really enjoyed it.
I don't know if this helped, but at least find some encouragement from it, because you are a great writer.
Loved the poem, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd follow me and look at my work.
Keep Writing,
B.E. Writer
Thank you so much! Yeah, this is really helpful. The 'what of reality' part was supposed to be 'what is reality', but I thought it sounded better with 'of', and, of course, 'of' is more open ended, which helps people interpret it in their own way.
Yeah, I'll follow you! and yes, I need to review more, so I'll check out your portfolio. Thanks for the review!
~racket