We all together hold the future in our hands,
A weathered, cracked sphere pulsing,
Waiting to react to each of our own actions.
We all together hold each other's futures in our fists,
A mess and mix of lives intertwined
Reacting to each other and falling out of reach.
You all together hold my future in your palms,
A small fragile glass sphere shuddering,
Hesitantly anticipating your next move.
I wonder…
Do you value it enough to not break it?
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,784 Reviews
I really love how you portrayed the future as an object here. It almost reminds me of a fortune teller's glass ball that they look into to see the future. Also, I like how you put a question at the end, it was nice to see since questions are not seen often in poetry. It made me think about the people in my own life, and if they truly value my future enough not to break it. Keep up the great work!
-Emily
Thanks! I haven't actually thought of it that way. I was thinking more of the world as the object and the people holding it having the opportunity and power as to whether drop it or keep it safe.
Yours is a really cool perspective! Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked it!
Hey racket! Maddiesho here to leave a review
It introduces the idea of unity and a ripple effect of events. It also grabbed my attention and kept me reading. I also loved the imagery you showed in your poem. It showed the great power people have over each others lives. The only thing I would have changed would be It did not exactly flow well. I would change it to ¨A mix of messy lives intertwined¨. It would sound much better and would continue the flow. The ending was very enjoyable. It shows a fear of having your heart broken by somebodies actions. It ties it up well and pushes it towards a new but relevant idea. Loved your poem and can't wait to read more!I loved the way you opened your poem
Thank you! I actually like the way I worded that, so I think I'll leave it like that, but thank you for the suggestion! Thanks for taking the time to review; it means a lot to me.
Welcome to YWS, and thanks for the review!
Beautiful poem
. I especially loved the last line ..
Thanks!
Hi racket, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
Firstly, well done on writing something so creative. I have never seen anything like this. The last line sums up the whole poem perfectly and is an excellent way to end the poem. The description you put into the poem is great and the punctuation is just right.
I have only one nit-pick and it might just be me. The line (A mess and mix of lives intertwined) I think would read better if you wrote it (A messy mix of lives intertwined) It is just a suggestion.
Over all I really like the poem and look forward to more of your work. I hope you have a great day\night.
XD Thanks for the suggestion and the review! I'm glad you liked it. XD You have a great day/night, too!
Hi racket, Amindor here.
This piece has left me utterly speechless, but in the best way. It's unlike something I've ever read before, and I am literally in love with this poem, honestly. The last line finishes it off, perfectly, too.
I have no concerns with this, and I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your work in the future! Keep writing on!
Hey, thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
Yo, Racket. This is 1998. I really like your work. It's very interesting, but unique at the same time how you wrote this poem. Keep writing. You are doing a good job.
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.