Young Writers Society

Hi, darkangel! I'm Arc, here to review your lyrics.

The layout of this was really good, in my opinion. I like how you has verses, a chorus and a bridge. I also thought the chorus was particularly good. The metaphor about them being 'the highlight of the day' was actually really sweet. I don't think I've heard it mentioned before, and thought it was a really nice metaphor. Perfect for a chorus!

Now, I feel myself saying this with love songs all the time, but try and avoid cliche's! I don't think that there is anything at all with writing a love song, and I can certainly feel the emotions here, but I felt it was the same sort of thing that I hear all the time. It's the same things everyone's heard all the time. I can tell you have loads of potential, but try and mic it up a bit. Add in a weird simile comparing the love to something, perhaps. Use a personal metaphor, anything that will make it your own!

Secondly, I'm not really sure how I feel about this:

Thank you for the laughter that we shared
Thank you for the times you really cared
Thank you for the attention I don't really need that you gave to me
Thank you for your never-ending smiles
Thank you for making me feel wise
Thank you for being there once again

I like this song a lot! I have no trouble at all hearing it in my head being sung. I think that the first two lines of the chorus are very catchy. "You don't even know it but you have made yourself the highlight of my day
You shine so brightly I can see your light through all these walls that I have made"

The rhyming is just all together really good, you have enough variation in your verses and then also enough repetion to really make a great song.

Also I think the part with all the 'thank you's' is nice because you show you're thankful for the things that sometimes people have a hard time even noticing like: "all the smiles" etc.

Altogether I also think this is nice because your topic isn't to broad (it sticks to one theme) but has a scope of different aspects of your appreciation, which is great because it means there's enough different other parts that although you wrote it for one person (most likely) there's enough variety that almost everyone can relate to at least one aspect of your poem. I really relate to those first two lines: "You know I can't spark up a conversation
Good thing you never run out of things to say" I am the chatterbox in all of my relationships, and sometimes wonder if they appreciate me coming up with things to say or would rather I just 'shut up!'

The only line I thought was a bit awkward was the one about 'irony' I think if you took the word 'an' out from infront of it, it'd be less strange sounding, but maybe you need that for the number of syllables?...

Thank you for posting! You have alot of talent, and I look forward to reading more of your work!!

~allyah

Its brilliant, using metaphorical words that highlights the feeling of regret and compassion. The stanza were expressed clearly and the usage of words are chosen perfectly. I really appreciate it, but it will be more alluring if I would be able to listen to it with music.