We were seatmates back in grade school but
It's pretty obvious that you already forgot
And maybe that's the reason for that look upon your face
When I called your name, just yesterday
Well you could try to search your memories
And you'll probably find a page of me
And maybe time's the reason why you can't remember me
After all these days, here's what my mind says
CHORUS:
Those wonderful days
You can count all the ways
Do you remember that place?
And you are still that same good person back when we used to laugh at love
Those wonderful days
I can still remember how you write
How you smile and laugh, even your height
And now that we are tall and grown up we could be friends again
Oh but life has changed, lost in memory lane
CHORUS:
Those wonderful days
You can count all the ways
Do you remember that place?
And you are still that same good person back when we used to laugh at love
Those wonderful days
Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am not
It's written all over your face
But I can tell you already forgot
And if that was just the case
Forever I will treasure those wonderful days
CHORUS:
Those wonderful days
You can count all the ways
Do you remember that place?
And you are still that same good person back when we used to laugh at love
Those wonderful days
Those wonderful days
Those wonderful days
Or maybe they're the reason for that look upon your face
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140,397 Literary Works • 673,155 Reviews
Review:
I find it hard to review lyrics without hearing the tune of the song, it makes all the difference.
Reading it, it seems pretty mainstream, but like I said the music makes the song not the lyrics.
Its a concept a lot of people will relate to I guess. I picture it quite indie, pretty upbeat
I love the concept behind this, it's something everyone can relate to. Plus there's some strong lines. However, I feel like there could be stronger images.
The chorus feels weak to me, primarily because it's very vague about these memories and places. I think the chorus would work if you had the first verse talking about "wonderful days" in more detail, then have the second verse focus on the present day.
I love these lines.
The "height" rhyme feels really forced to me. I might play with these lines to get a more
natural rhyme.
This is interesting because usually "memory lane" refers to a positive nostalgia, whereas this seems more negative. This could be reworked (maybe the speaker's stuck in memory lane?)
A more general comment: You have a rhyme scheme, but no apparent meter. In my opinion, rhyme without meter is a bit like eating raw butter. Without a set syllable pattern, some lines will be too long and they won't flow well, which isn't good if you're trying to make a song. I'd consider establishing a meter whenever you rhyme.
Overall, I like the idea here, but I think richer details about both the past and present would make this even stronger. Keep writing!
I will start off by saying that I think it would be unwise for me
to even attempt to offer any recommendations as far as revisions are concerned.
I personally consider songs to be untouchable in this respect simply because
their interpretation potential is far to broad for any one person (besides the actual writer)
to clarify.
With that said I'll simply state that anybody that has ever
reminisced about fleeting moments shared with an old friend or love will be able to relate to this.
In that respect, this song is a success.
M.
I'm not an expert on these things but I really liked your song/poem.
It's really great, I can feel what you're trying to say in this. The rhymes made it really easy to read it with a good flow and rhythm and it left me smiling at the end, even though it's kind of sad. What was your inspiration to make this? It sounds like it would be very interesting to hear, or even provide inspiration to others.