Remember that day when I met you
For the first time it was a gray cold afternoon
And I remember you were laughing
At the same time you were running your fingers through your hair
And I swear that love was standing right there
I was trying to know you
And it's like you gave me a page from your diary
And all this time it's been so easy
Just you and me but there's this huge storm going in my head
So instead our story has written its end
CHORUS:
Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?
I keep thinking all those good times
When we were so happy but tomorrow really is never promised
Can't you see that this is what all these things should be?
CHORUS:
Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?
Everything be the same, everything be the same
Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?
And I remember we were walking
Down the school hall, the same way we could have walked down the aisle
All the while, time will fix my broken smile
CHORUS:
Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?
Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?
(Everything be the same, everything be the same)
Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?
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139,649 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hey, darkangel_05! CM here to review your lyrics.
) and have come to the conclusion that you have very good songwriting technique. I could almost hear the tune in my head, and the verses all fitted very well into each other.
So, I'll start with the general message of the song. The first couple of verses where really good in the way that it showed that you loved him/her but it also used past tense so I could already guess it was becoming sort of bittersweet? You know what I mean?
Anyway, onto the chorus. I was halted a bit by this, because I was just like, what? It kind of didn't make sense to me. 'Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?' I couldn't get my head around that. Do you mean that you drifted apart and perhaps broke up and your asking that if you got back together, would it be the same?
Apart from that hiccup I really thinking everything thing else was great. I've read some of your other lyrics (I'm not a stalker
Sure as a poem it would have been good because the lyrics are very well written, but it's that seamlessness and the sort of tune you get in your head that really make it lyrics. I think the lyrics where very well written and I liked the song a lot.
My favorite line;
And it's like you gave me a page from your diary
Good work with the lyrics, hope this review was helpful,
CM
Thanks!
i liked your poem a lot but I don't understand this
"Will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?"
The "ever" isn't really making sense so I think it should be like:
""Will everything be the same if you are here with me?"
but other than that it was really good i liked the part where it's like
" And I remember we were walking
Down the school hall, the same way we could have walked down the aisle
All the while, time will fix my broken smile"
its good
hmmm... this is kinda loving and depressing at the same time. but it also sounds like every teens mind that has gone through school with the thought of finding love, finding it and then graduating two weeks later and moving away.
i am not a grammar person so i will let the others
fill in that role so that i dont try to fix things that i cant fix and that might be right in the first place.
its good because its relateable to a lot of other people through lost love a breakup or a death. l like it. keep it up.
Wow, this is beautiful - I have shivers!
I can almost hear the tune in my head as I read it. That's the perfect experience for lyrics.
A few problems, which may not actually be problems, because I don't know what's in your head and what kind of rhythm this could have... that probably doesn't make much sense yet, does it?
Anyway, I found some of the lines a little awkward-sounding. For example, (sorry to attack the most important part of the song, but...) "will everything be the same if ever you are here with me?" This confuses me because of course things would be different with someone else around, but then the wording doesn't really seem like its actually asking "would everything be the same if you were with me", probably because of the word 'ever'. I am tired, so I could be taking this all wrong, but the line struck me as odd all the same. Also, the fact that some lines are quite short and others very long seems to break the rhythm and flow (especially when on paper... or computer-screen), but, again, I can't hear what's in your head so it could sound perfectly rhythmic.
Just a few grammatical/punctuation annoyances as well: "so instead(,) our story has written its end" (this could also be worded a little differently but if I read further into it, it could make more sense) and not having the ends of lines punctuated (though I recently discovered that it is a poetic technique so is fine, however, punctuation at ends of paragraphs would make me feel better).
Other than those few things, I really admire the emotion that went into writing this. It feels like you have some boyfriend problems that have gotten to that lyrical poetic part of your heart, which, though not pleasant, created this. You're work is truly magical: A+
Mith out!