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137,663 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
This poem actually carries some heavy truth about people in general, or rather; people who have undergone heartache, which most have, I'd say.
What I like about this poem is that it touches on the theme that some people don't want to be happy; they are s easily persuaded emotionally to invest themselves with all their heart and soul, and when it doesn't work out; one will burn.
Dwelling in the pain of a situation somehow makes you think that it's more topical than it really is, and sometimes, I think; hurting over a situation is more satisfying than facing the issue head on, and just move on with your life.
We all love tragedy.
Remember; those who love the least, live happier.
Ha! Cute poem. +1
Tiny Dancer,
Be honest with me, were you reading MY horoscope?!?!
This is very cute, and while it may have seemed a very pointless exercise you've created an incredibly usable poem from it. I'm not sold on the listing after "strong willed" only because it grates on the nerves by that point. We really want something new and different, and you deliver in the final two lines. Those two lines have excellent timing and they slip in wonderfully, with the right kind of belligerence and and a delicious set of stubbornness reminiscent of the Taurean.
This is awkward and I don't like it much, you have a good sense of wording through most of this and these fall away. I don't know, maybe you've been copying the horoscope words?But these aren't as interesting as I'm sure they could be. The obsessive/possessive works super well and the rhythm of it is amazing.
If you played with this a little, gave it a little more story, only a little mind you, I think this would work. I think your title should be something a little more clever like Letter to the Editor, or something a little less blunt than what you have.
Again, I like this, I'm glad you posted it. Activities like this help us with line breaks,comfortable sentence structure and understanding what we like in poetry. It wasn't a time waste, I promise.
Hit me up if you have any questions,queries or just want to chat!
~ Pen
Hi! Guineapiggirl here with your review!
I actually thought this was a really good piece! I don't know anything about horoscopes so I don't know how accurate this is about a taurus but I found it very entertaining.
I liked the bit at the end. The Dear stars, Am not. There's a special name for that, a bit at the end of a poem that's different to the rest of it and feels a bit random and makes you laugh. I really liked it.
I don't think I have anything to criticise... I'm gonna look really hard now...
"You’re a defiant fool who breaks the rules
because you like to look dangerous.
You wouldn’t want help
even if you were dying
because you’re certain
you could save yourself."
This bit doesn't flow quite as amazingly well as the rest of it. It flows amazingly, but not quite so much... It's got an excellent meaning to it anyway.
I'll do my favourite bits now:
You’re obsessive
and possessive
and a child inside
but you could have anyone you fancy
if you smile long enough.
That describes someone I know so well it's creepy... He was born in December. Is that Taurus?
You’re a strong-willed
selfish
stubborn
stuck-up
cinder block
in wet sand.
i just love the whole insult, insult, insult, insult, insult, insult, insult... type feel of this. And then it contrasts very nicely with the truly yours bit next.
Yeah. I actually really like this! I think you should change the title, and that's it!
Sorry to have been no help but this poem needs no helping
@Knight Guinea of Pig, Taurus is mainly May.
@TinyDancer: I see myself in this poem. Geh, I'm a typical Taurus!