Spoiler
Hey Amaya! You're doing great coming up with all these poems! Just thought I'd pop by and comment on a few of them . . .
2. A Good Chocolate Frosting
I like these lines! Nothing wrong with burning a little sugar here and there.
I also especially like the last lines of the poem:
I like how you play with the idiom "slice of life" and put it together with the image of a *cake* slice and chocolate frosting. Feels like giving that phrase a fresh take!
3. Always Ginger Cotton Floss
I like how you expanded on the idea of "ginger cotton floss". Ginger reminds me of herbal medicine (even though you *can* also have it as part of a treat, like gingerbread or ginger snaps). So using "ginger" as a metaphor for reality/realism feels very fitting.
I also like the sensory imagery here, describing the taste of ginger/ reality as sharp, hard and deep - it makes the idea of a 'harsh/ bitter reality' seem more concrete.
5. Amazing Girlfriends Can Fail
This part is so interesting - the image of "a dancer in the rain, daughter of the forest" feels very ethereal and seems to contrast the following lines "I make mistakes, I'm gonna bore you" - as though she's saying even the most ethereal things have flaws and a more mundane side to them.
Keep writing, Amaya!
2. A Good Chocolate Frosting
Sometimes burnt sugar will come,
But think of it like caramel,
I like these lines! Nothing wrong with burning a little sugar here and there.
I also especially like the last lines of the poem:
A good chocolate frosting
On your slice of life
I like how you play with the idiom "slice of life" and put it together with the image of a *cake* slice and chocolate frosting. Feels like giving that phrase a fresh take!
3. Always Ginger Cotton Floss
Never allowed to taste
That dream
Always ginger to
Keep me sane
I like how you expanded on the idea of "ginger cotton floss". Ginger reminds me of herbal medicine (even though you *can* also have it as part of a treat, like gingerbread or ginger snaps). So using "ginger" as a metaphor for reality/realism feels very fitting.
The sharpness
It hits hard
And deep
I also like the sensory imagery here, describing the taste of ginger/ reality as sharp, hard and deep - it makes the idea of a 'harsh/ bitter reality' seem more concrete.
5. Amazing Girlfriends Can Fail
I’m a dancer in
The rain
Daughter of the
forest
I make mistakes
I’m gonna bore you
This part is so interesting - the image of "a dancer in the rain, daughter of the forest" feels very ethereal and seems to contrast the following lines "I make mistakes, I'm gonna bore you" - as though she's saying even the most ethereal things have flaws and a more mundane side to them.
Keep writing, Amaya!
