yoha_ahoy

Sort of like what SeraphTree mentioned, this sound sort of like drama dribble drabble. You don't want to write that "poor me," "look at how terrible my life is" stuff. ...

This sounds more like a rant to someone you're extremely annoyed with, rather than poetry. And I must agree with Via, the formatting is very difficult to read. So take ...

Wow... that's hilarious!! :lol: So whatever happened to the rest of FREAK? Is it ever going to acutally get published? ~Yoyo 8)

Sometimes you just need to vent. I understand. But if you want to write a poem about it. Wait unitl your mind is logical again and then re-evaluate the feelings ...

That's just a fun and happy poem. ^_^ We nned more of that in the world. :D Keep writing it! ~Yoyo 8)

Hahaha! I actually kinda liked this. First, "tiered" is spelled "tired." And the rhyming is ehhh.... So it needs a little work I'd say. But it's on its way! :D ...

An interesting idea. I think you could work with it. You definitely expand more though. Right now you have the idea and that's all. You need the image that goes ...

Lovely. Very descrpitive. I love the metaphors. Amazing piece overall. Keep it up! ;) ~Yoyo 8)

Hey! I really like this! I won't comment on the rhyme or the meter, seeing as I am terrible at both. But I absolutely love the imagery you use and ...

First off, welcome to the YWS! I like this overall. The one thing I don't like that I would change is the repetition of the first two lines of the ...

Overall I think this is good. :) It's a nice thought flow piece. But yes, take thier suggestions, they know what they're doing. And welcome to the YWS! ~Yoyo 8)

So true. My general idea about artwork in fancy museums that "looks easy," and, "a three year old could do it," usually has more time put into than you think. ...

Very cool. Nearly sent shivers up my spine. Make me feel twitchy too. Very effective Clau. :) And the back story helps. It's nice of you to share it. *thumbs ...

I love your style. This captured me right away. And it's short and simple which makes me like it even more. Great descriptions. I think you've got something good here. ...

Welcome! I, personally, like short poems. I think you did a good job with some simple imagery. Captializing 'disappear' doesn't do anything for the poem though. I would just leave ...