Published December 8, 2007
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,539 Reviews
Wow, that was brilliant!! Makes me wanna have soup!
Okay, everybody ready? 1...2...3...Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! That was so cute! And now I'm hungry for soup!
This is adorable! It's so cute, it sounds like the kind of thing that would go well in a children's book, with little illustrations and ... right, on to the actual critique.
)
I liked this a lot; so much so that my only real recommendations are formatting related. (I would italicize "so," and maybe join the last two sentences (in the last line) with "and," but you've have to try it and see if it works with the rhythm. (I'm not so hot with rhythm or rhyme, so I'm sorry I couldn't be more help in that department.)
(Merry Christmas, by the way~ I know we often disagree in the Debate Forum, but whatever. It's cool. That's the point of that forum, anyway.
Lol. Nice! This was fun, and the rhyme suited the tone.The last line is great. Wish I could be more helpful, but I can't really see any major faults.
Haha! Funny poems! Love 'em, but I don't see enough.
Best four lines ever!
This reminded me of the book The Tale of Despereaux. Yes, I'm aware the book is written for 7 year olds. Shaddup :p.
Anyway, all-in-all, this is a fun, simple piece. But if you're "serious" about poetry (or rather, wish to write serious poetry, seriously), I'd recommend trying out some free-verse, just so you can loosen up your limitations and play around with descriptions and techniques. A lot can be done with meter without having a set rhyme scheme, y'know.
Anyway, that's just my two cents.
Happy writing / slurping,
~Ed
Wow.
Ewww....Maybe add an "and"?
I think this is just a plain funny poem! This is a good children's poem, and I have never seen anything like this before. Besides the two errors I pointed out above, I think it is great!
Firearris
That's just a fun and happy poem. ^_^ We nned more of that in the world.
Keep writing it!
~Yoyo
Lol!
Very funny, even though soup ain't my favorite.
My only quibble is this, and not with the ryhme:
Inhale? Ew, that makes me want to... Well, breathing soup in doesn't sound very nice to my mind, but maybe to a soup fanatic it does?
Could you add in "and" there, or would it destroy the rhyme? I can't really tell, but I don't think it would, so I'd say add it in.
Very good, and nice ryhming!
*snort/cackle*
Lol! Pure brilliance, mate, pure brilliance.
Best couplet. Easy.
Soup is very wonderful indeed.
-St. Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate
That was really good... I love soup!
-- Lucky