Look into my eyes
And tell me what you see
Is it an illusion?
Or is it truly me?
I lose my self in the disguises
Growing fond of the fakes
Do they like me for me?
Or what I appear to be?
They pretend to be there,
When really they don't care
If only they knew,
What I could do
They'd let me be free
Let me be who I want to be
They stabbed me in the back
I'll never forget that.
(This is a portrail of my life. I have people I hate and my friends, but when I'm around the people I hate, I must pretend to be their friends or else they will spread rumors about me. They stabbed me in the back and I'll never forget that.... I also know the rhythm is a little off)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,838 Reviews
Uhh...Thanks.
OMG OMG!
thats soooooooooooooooo good and the grerat display picture to go along.
LMAO
Thanks people.
I like this =) I agree with what's already been said, you should add some emotions to this piece and give it more depth. I think the rhyme is fine, I also think the ending needs work. But overall it's good
One little thing: Myself is one word
Sort of like what SeraphTree mentioned, this sound sort of like drama dribble drabble. You don't want to write that "poor me," "look at how terrible my life is" stuff. You want to make us feel what you're feeling. And to sum up what the poetic response says, as well as some serious advice, Be Yourself. 'They' don't let you. You do. So just do your own thing. Sorry if I'm being too personal, but it seems like those people aren't your friends and you need to find some new ones.
Feel free to PM me!
~Yoyo
This is a poetic response (this is not meant to be critted):
At the moment, it sounds like you're writing "poor me" kind of work. 
I KNOW you are better than that 
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Spirit
**
Many wander the path,
You think you tread alone.
Don’t conceal this wrath-
Don’t stumble on this stone.
*
Many drift, many are lost-
The sea of life pulls them every
which way- driven, and tossed-
Perhaps, in you, there is safety?
*
The key to your cage, darling bird,
Is dangling ‘round your neck.
Such a fine chain- Absurd!
How can a touch of silver hold you back?
*
The winds here you, little one-
They beckon you to the sky!
Feel the warmth of the sun-
Now open your wings and fly.
**
Besides that....
I think you can do better with this piece. Really delve into your emotions, splash the colors into our faces! Make us feel what you feel.