writeitalldown

Well first off, your short story is pasted twice? Besides that, I don't think your writing has a strong enough voice. Also, I don't see the point of your story. ...

I didn't think your work had a very good flow, the words just kind of seemed forced together. It's vocabulary is moderately advanced and not at all lacking. The meaning ...

Hey tossy(: I can understand that you are trying to convey pained emotions that are enflicted by the mother figure in this poem, but it can be done with more ...

This poem was well written and...let's use "vivid" :p You used imagery VERY effectively, even though some images were well disturbing. I don't think I fully understood the poem, it ...

okay Emily, here as requested :) I agree with VuzzyCat... it needs to be longer. The stars are beaming and I am dreaming, the good and the bad the loves ...

Inside the cave,

I love this...but, its not a complete poem in my opinion. I want to get more from this, all I get is some haunting skeleton lady is coming to get ...

The lines "I'm happy we're close even this way instead Because if I'm honest, I love you, dear friend" should either be re-worded or elaborated more in the poem how ...

I enjoyed the idea and complexity of this poem. Dream type poems are often difficult to write because the "dream state" is so confusing itself and so detailed and emotional ...

(giggles as typing) Ummm... I liked it. I was going to comment and correct all your punctuation, but then the signature caught me. It made me laugh, and I enjoyed ...

Really, your style is educated and detailed, which I love. Your poem is perfect as is all your other works that I've read, so this is not to critique but ...

Ummm..Hallie? I know this isn't all you wrote, at least I hope not... Write more, but on what you have now the line "as ever you were when we" doesn't ...

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED your poem!!! I laughed and then read it to everyone and laughed some more, this poem made my day. :) As a poem I shall critique it ...

I do have some suggestions... but do not take me seriously, its just one writer to another. *Instead of using 'till' I'd use until, It just sounds better in my ...

Hallie, I absolutley love this poem, my you know is not rhyming, but you have done it so nicely. I really love this poem, and defintley can relate to this ...