Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,614 Literary Works • 672,625 Reviews
Thi is absolutely great. Haunting, chilling, earth shattering. Words really cannot describe how much I love this. Great job!
However, I am sad that it ended. I loved the simplicity of it, but sad that it ended all the same.
Sorry, but it seems a bit weird, don't you think? Nothing is really explained WHY she is a "Bone" Queen. It sounds like she is a ghost than a "Bone" Queen.
GREAT JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!!!
~Kat
I love this...but, its not a complete poem in my opinion.
I want to get more from this, all I get is some haunting skeleton lady is coming to get me.*scared face*
If I read this as part of a complete story or novel even, it would fit in perfectly, add more, I want more.
Your writing is refreshing, easily flows, and leaves an eery feeling which is amazing, but, it needs more.
This is like an incomplete thought, a beautiful, eery, and well written thought, but to me it's not finished.
I realize I'm rambling, and this is only my opinion, so many apologies.
But all in all, perfection...I just desire there to be more. Even left as it is, it's a very good poem, and intrigues me to read more of your works. *like*
Hi, here to review for the contest! Well, here we go!
I did like this poem, but didn't see the creepy-ness that others saw in it. But good job!Wow, I am absolutely stunned at how many things I love about this and they're all in such a short space! First and foremost, I am a huge huge fan of motifs that allow the reader to take as much as they can manage from a piece. For example, your motif of color (as you use color in every stanza and usually to a very powerful effect) gives me so much room for deeper understanding of the poem. See, in my eyes, the fact that you repeat white and grey paints a picture in my mind of a wintery, almost dream like place. But then, as we abrubtly (and surprisingly eerilly) discover, this person (if she is a person and not something... creepier) and place belong in a nightmare! That is wonderful! I cannot fully describe how much I enjoy that. Beyond that as a whole the rhetoric in this piece is wonderful, and the descriptions manage to be so vivid in such few words. To me, those things show a truly great writer. I really really enjoyed this piece, and I'll be looking forward to reading more of your work.
Hrn. Dun listen to pop. -_- (No offense to him.)
I don't think this really needs a deeper meaning. It could have one, it could be expanded upon, but it's just fine the way it is. It's expressive and you show, you don't tell, which is something you'll hear over and over and over again in the writing community, so fantastic job.
I don't actually like ghost stories, but your imagery here is great. Good job.
Why does the ghost have grey eyes, though? *checks spelling* Yeah, you misspelled grey. (Don't worry, I do it all the time. Had to ask my friend how to spell it just last night.) Gray is the hair on your head, grey is the color. For some reason. I don't actually know why, exactly, but that's what she said (no pun intended.) ((I should find out why.))
*is tempted to quote entire thing, but that would be noobish and unfair*
On the whole, this was hauntingly beautiful. I didn't start looking over my shoulder, but I'm not into ghost stories, I don't watch any horror movies, and my senses are kinda dulled from lack of sleep right now, so......
Good job. And I know the feeling of disliking your own work, but you're good. Remember that.
Oh, and just so you know, replying in the comments doesn't notify the people who've reviewed your stuff. Clicking the pretty little pm button on the side or replying on their wall does, though.
I didn't get this at all. Just an image of a skeletal, corpse. What were you aiming for with this poem? This was not clear as I was reading the poem. Also I don't think you should have put that spoiler because that implies to the reviewer or reader that it was just a half-hearted attempt at writing in which case it should not be posted, well in my opinion. I think if you really threw yourself into the poem, then you could relay what you want the reader to feel. This didn't happen as I was reading the poem. I hope you don't find this review negative and you look over your poem. Or not, this is just my opinion. I really think you have something that could be really good here. Good luck and happy writing!!
-Popatemyheartxx
87/
Thanks so much for all the great comments and reviews you guys! It really means a lot to me
-Alzora
Creeeeeepy, I like it. I guess I don't have much to say since everyone who liked it already said it for me. This was very awesome, and I want more!! It's really good as it is, and I don't think you need to add anything, but I just wish it was longer!!
lalala had to come back still love it i keep going back to it lalala its awesome
Hi! Ok, so I clicked on this piece because the title really intruiged me. I had no idea where it was going. And I still don't. I don't know how it relates to the title: ok, so you've got a description of a possibly skelatal (?) woman but you haven't told your reader why she is important, what the purpose of the poem is ect.
I don't dislike this - don't get me wrong, you've written it well and it flows nicely - but I just feel it's something and nothing. An Okay poem stimulates a readers interest yet effects them in no way. A good poem stirrs emotion. A great poem takes your readers into orbit. I'm sad to say that, for me, your poem fell into the first catagory. I was intruiged, yes, but once I'd read it, I felt no spark, no chill down my spine.
Now I suppose I'm just rambling. I'm sorry for being harsh, and believe me, I don't question your ability as a writer, but I think that you just need to take your original concept and re-write this so that you clarify purpose. I'm sorry! I'm going to follow you to make up for it! Keep writing, and, if you need absolutely anything, don't hesitate to PM me or leave a comment on my wall. Thanks, keep writing!
~ Amelia
I like this. But I think it's just the beginning. I like it so much that I want to know more. Why does she do what she does, who is she, who does she target, what room is she in? So many questions! And it's good to leave some stuff to the reader's imagination but I think that your description is so vivid that if you wrote more of this, you'd put a really great image in my head, and not just an image, but a story, and that would be awesome.
Whoa! This is really sweet. You do a great job at building up anticipation in a very short, evocative words! I love this! It's short and awesome, and everybody'll love it.
Shrieeeeeeeeeek.
Creepy. I'm looking over my shoulder right now to make sure there's no skeleton lady behind me. I love the descriptive, simpleness of it. Kind of beautiful in a bone chilling way. What got me first was the title, because it's awesome, and then you sucked me right in.
Sar-sar
hmm what i think... I L♥VE it
Dude. Dude. You did it. You just did it.
You made my day. Descriptive, chilling, haunting, amazing.
Love it okay? Forget about dislike for a second because this is awesome. Capeche?
It's so strange because I rarely see these types. It's so short, yet so descriptive in few words. I love that you wrote this. It grabs my attention, though the title kinda had me saying what, and it spits you out like you're nothing. I want to know more about this person. I want to know more about why you wrote this. I want to know the person who is the "Bone Queen", but I know I never will. You should not even add any more description because otherwise it would ruin that grasp on the reader. This is a great poem and I can't crush it. It's too powerful, way too powerful. It sends chills down my spine rereading it.
Good job. This is possibly one of the best poems I have ever read, including professional poets.
This poem intrigues me. You say you don't like it, but it's absolutely brilliant! Short and simple, descriptive with a great attention grabber. This reads like it could keep going and I want to read more! It builds up so much and leaves the reader hanging a bit, but isn't that the art of poetry? It doesn't have to make sense, or be completely spelled out. It only needs to be something worth reading and this for sure is! Never stop writing!