Published June 8, 2011
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Canary word: Present
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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
I love the whole paradoxical way of looking at things in this poem except for the ending... Keep writing!
I really liked this poem..the title pulled me in. However, for some reason, it made me kind of sad...which in your case, is a good thing
I love to feel emotion when I read something and this affected me for some reason...it was very nice, although I do agree with the commenter about dividing up the different ideas/stanzas. Great job!
Alrighty, I haven't really reviewed any piece of work yet on this site, so bear with me. ;o;
Overall, I loved this a lot. It made me giggle while reading it, I like poetry that's got a bit of irony and humor thrown into it. I think it was witty - but there was one thing that bothered me, and a few have already mentioned this. The layout of the text, it's bundled up into one hunk and makes it slightly overwhelming. If you spaced it out a bit, it'd easier to follow and read. I noticed a few spelling errors as well, but they're very minor.
Other than that, I adore this poem. Is it bad that it almost reminds me of my own relationship?
I'd love to see more of your works.
- Dispatch
Hiyah, it's me again. Lol.
Wow! You really conveyed the contrasts in human relationships really well. The title is what really drew me in. "I love you as you are, now change." This poem definitely brought to light how we as humans tend to contradict ourselves even, and sometimes especially, with those we love.
Again, the flow could use a number of tweaks. Perhaps chop up the lines a tad? Other than that, I have nought else to say. It was a good read. Good job =)
I love this poem so much!! It is absolutely amazing... Keep up the good writing..
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED your poem!!! I laughed and then read it to everyone and laughed some more, this poem made my day.
As a poem I shall critique it as one, no matter how much it made me smile.
First, congratulations on the brilliant idea, and amazing ending. I agree with chibigiraffe on dividing the lines to help the flow. Although I would have liked the flow better if the rhyming pattern was every other line instead of every two lines rhyming, but just my opinion.
I liked the overall idea for this poem. I think it makes a lot of sense on the relationships we have with others.
I agree that you should have broken the sentences up more, because it's kind of...weird? to read them like that.
But I liked the ending. It wrapped everything up like a present and put a bow on it.
Wonderful job, magnifico~
It's perfect in getting the point across on how no one really loves someone for everything and that they dont want them to change. everyone has stuff about them that someone doesn't like. no one is perfect, and I think u did a great job in getting the across
LOL, this made me laugh.
Normally I don't like rhyming poetry but this was really awesome. XD I think your lines are a little bit long in this and you could probably chop them up like this:
Anyway, onto the nitpicks..
Other than those nitpicks, this was really awesome.