In The Cave

Inside the cave, <---catching intro.
is a creature you fear.
The image is with you now
freezing you in horror. <--- "freezing in horror" is too cliche.
You start to realize what
this animal truly is.

It’s tall and pale,
looking at you with watery eyes.
But its appearance is not what <---try to stay away from starting your sentence with "but"
scares you.

When you are near this animal
its behavior terrifies you.
A heaping amount of curiosity
for all things evil
never cease.
Its cleverness with pain and death
is always there,
waiting for a test subject.

This thing lures you into the cave,
promising you joy
and health. <---"health", is kind of odd, maybe try a different word?
It’s only a trick,
but you fall for it again,
and again.

You start to realize that it’s not a cave, <---"you start to realize" has already been used.
it’s your home.
And it’s not a deadly creature,
it’s you. <----GrEAt twist and ending.

Inside the cave,Good hook.
is a creature you fear.Kind of cliche. Maybe you could replace 'fear'
The image is with you now
freezing you in horror.Awesome!
You start to realize what
this animal truly is.

It’s tall and pale,
looking at you with watery eyes.Very good detail here!
But its appearance is not what
scares you.

When you are near this animal
its nature terrifies you. Um...nature? Behavior, custom, etc might work a little better.
A heaping amount of curiosityVery nice
for all things evil
never ceases.Cease. for all things evil never cease.
Its cleverness with pain and death
is always there,
waiting for a test subject.I like this line. Very creative.

This thing lures you into the cave,This thing? Eeeeh.
promising you joy
and health. health? I'd try something else.
It’s only a trick,
but you fall for it again,
and again.

You start to realize that it’s not a cave,
it’s your home.
And it’s not a deadly creature,
it’s you.

Justagirl wrote:Inside the cave, Nice opening line.
is a creature you fear.
The image is with you now
freezing you in horror. Could be better. Not sure I like how you word it.
You start to realize what
this animal truly is.

It’s tall and pale,
looking at you with watery eyes. I like "watery eyes."
But its physical features are not what Really long line. I think it's "physical features" that throws me off.
scares you.

When you are near this animal
its nature terrifies you. Its nature? Hmm.
Its curiosity for all things evil I would rework this line.
never ceases.
Its creativity with pain and death "Creativity" kind of kills the feeling, since it's kind of a bright word.
is always there,
waiting for a test subject. I'm not sure if I like this line or not.

This thing lures you into the cave,
promising you happiness How about another word for "happiness?"
and health.
It’s only a trick,
but you fall for it again,
and again.

You start to realize that it’s not a cave,
it’s your home.
And it’s not a deadly creature, Rework this.
it’s you.