stupidiot92

This piece was good, but was a little dryer than your other pieces. Explain what is going on in P.E. at the time and why Jamiy and Sappy can sit ...

Wow, that was a twist. I never knew that he had a brother. I really like that twist. As for the Chris thing, i like how it is in there ...

Listen to Writersdomain she knows what she is talking about. I really liked this writing and i will keep up with it if i can. Also what writersdomain critted shows ...

Quote: shorter to Sappy to should be than Quote: Chris’s voice is gruff, his throat must be sore You've changed to present. Your story before had been in the past ...

Quote: cry it may as well be over a sappy love song or something a sappy love song? does that have any relation with your character Sappy? Now i am ...

Quote: I let my bottom lip drop into a pout. I deliberately forced myself to make my eyes widen, weather that was making me look more ‘cute’ or just plain ...

This piece was a bit rushed. You didn't spend to much time on the detail of what was actually happening. I am really curious as to why his mom was ...

Quote: side was defiantly not going to take an axe to my head. should be definantly not defiantly. Your pieces keep getting better. There always seems less for me to ...

Quote: I didn’t hold anything against her for this, as the time we were supposed to be studying we were laughing and flouncing around the school Don't we all. There ...

Quote: and I defiantly didn’t like the thought of them seeing Should be definantly not defiantly Quote: “She also pierced my hand,” I lied, I wanted to provoke a reaction. ...

Quote: But he had me now. Although today I positively hated him. I like how you have that foreshadow there. It really fits. Quote: back at half three to pick ...

This was an improvement of your first. The emotions of the character are very well described. I like how you have this character explaining the present and also having flashbacks. ...

The poem was good. but a little more detail would greatly improve it. There is an emotion there, but it isn't really talked about. I also like how you used ...

The rhyme wasn't that good, but i don't normally read poetry. There were a few times i went back and read cause i read wrong, but that was probably just ...

This was a really good start. Quote: "Her eyes began to loose their color, fleshy pockets settled themselves under her lashes." This didn't flow for me. It didn't sound right. ...