Published April 4, 2007
Six cold black statues,
Each with small beetle-like eyes.
They stare right through
My very soul.
Why are they frightened?
I can see fear in their eyes.
Why are they running?
They didn’t escape.
They are stuck here, forever.
Rooted to the spot.
Why are they frozen like this?
I wish I knew their secret.
What happened to them?
Whatever occurred
Many long years ago,
Will remain a puzzle.
Set in cold black stone.
~Inspired by statues found in a Stanford courtyard
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
The poem was good. but a little more detail would greatly improve it. There is an emotion there, but it isn't really talked about. I also like how you used statues to sort of put that emotion there. I think if you put the emotion in after what you already have written would be awesome.
I hate to be a stick in the mud, but I've got to ask that if you intend to personally attack each other, you do it someplace else.
We're here to discuss the poetry.
This is what I have to say:
I liked it very much. It reminded me of the stone statues in the white witch's courtyard, in the Narnia books.
Well communicated, swift style, punchy language. You included appearance, emotion, and senses.
The last line by itself was also an effective touch. Keep it up!
Goldie
The emotion is there, you just have to work a little to pull it out more, and bring it to the surface.
I liked your use of stone statues to describe the situation. When someone's afraid, sometimes they'll freeze up and can't move as if they're a living stone statue. It's easy for most people to understand because everyone has to deal with an inability to act some time or another.
It's okay but it's you which isn't okay
