Ice Cubes #10

Hey. Just home from school. It's my sisters 18th and i still come on lol.

When your going up the stairs in the dark,

*you're. I think you made the same mistake in the line above.

The day came when rob took me

Capitalise that 'r'.

That's all I found, so I'm on to the next part. Bye for now.

Edited

Hes a boy, i have made hints before that he might also be into guys, i guess it just the character progression, like in the later ice cubes i guess things become more obvious to you, sorry for any confusion

Meevs
x

Quote:
cry it may as well be over a sappy love song or something

a sappy love song? does that have any relation with your character Sappy?

Now i am confused. Is your character a boy or a girl? I think you said that he was a boy when he was still with Clarice, but you have him talking about attractive men. I don't know if you are doing this on purpose or not. But if you aren't i would suggest fixing that.

Thanks for that, I was thinking that i needed some dialogue here but I;m just not how to fit it in. I don't know, i guess its harder for me as i have already developed the characters and know how much Jamiy hates Chris, i orget that the reader may not understand it to that extent yet! Im editing this all through now, I have to hand it in on Monday as it is ( i never finished it ) but I think i will keep going with it

Thanks for your comments JCobsesed!

Meevs

this section is really, really short. You might want to add in some dialouge between Chris and Rob, to show how detached from them Jaimy feels, or a conversation between Chris and Jaimy, to deepen the understanding that Jaimy really doesn't like him.