Published April 3, 2007
Taken down due to publishing
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141,687 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Hey. Just getting a crit in before I go to school lol, and lucky I got such a good chapter. I only caught one mistake.
He wouldn’t not come back you stupid bitch
I think you should cut the 'not', there. I don't think it makes sense otherwise.
Anyway, I'd better run lol. See you.
Edited
This piece was a bit rushed. You didn't spend to much time on the detail of what was actually happening. I am really curious as to why his mom was crying. I am also confused as to why the present Jamiy hates Rob. He seems to love Rob right now. Even though the piece was rushed, it was good. I still want to keep reading.
the im, should be like this- I'm, no matter what part of the sentence it comes in.
and my normal thing with the period and comma in the wrong places.
I'll let you figure this one out.
Another great contribution to the story! Keep it up!
-JC