perdido

I thought that the God's blue sink thing was imaginative. Other then that it kind of dragged along, nothing really interesting is going on. My advice is to try again ...

i really like "bones starved of sin" this poem has a really stony flavor, i think you could change that by adding a little more expressive language, as it stands ...

no no no. Too much. You need to condense and there is absolutely no reason for 18 consecutive lines to all start with the word "of." There is a much ...

Your language was simply not enough to hold my attention for that long. This poem is too long. Condensation is your ally, here, there is a lot that is unnecessary. ...

^what a waste of a review. anyway: first thing I'd do is take out all the ellipses. You have abused them and you need to set them free. I think ...

is this a prose-poem? It doesn't really make sense. "My most important tool is now in ruin, and is impair." What??? Something is wrong Confronting my handicap sounds like you ...

some grammar mistakes right off the bat: the first stanza should read Soaring, flying so high my heart goes out to you as a warm breeze passes us by. or ...

that line should read "The worms dug themselves up" instead of had dug. The whole poem suffers from... overpopulation like that. One thing i do like is the use of ...

Okay I really like the image of a windmill on the horizon slowly breaking apart. If i were writing this poem I would describe its atrophy in complete, I would ...

First of all, your rhyme scheme makes this impossible to approach. I can't tell if its forced or just a bad scheme but it has to change, otherwise no one ...

first of all: spare us the colors. meticously = meticulously (that really gave my dyslexia a run for its money) raps = wraps Anyway: I have a soft spot for ...

I think there are some good portions of this, but it gets to wrapped up in unnecessary exclamations like "do not deny, do not regret!" Maybe I just hate the ...

I agree with what Hannah said... what did you expect to hear? Layla accused you of posting a song rather than lyric poetry, but that's dumb because its only a ...

I agree with Snoink. You've got to pare away things that are unnecessary and replace them with things that are more interesting. For example... why someone would engage in a ...

generally I hate poetry that asks a lot of questions. If a poem is going to ask you a question, it should ask... without asking. I know that doesn't make ...