This is something I though about after seeing a clip in a certain movie. Silly me, these just came to mind and i thought to post it here. All critiques and comments are very welcome
NO REDOs JUST DO BETTER
Ever wonder back and ask yourself – “What was I thinking?”
Do you wish you could undo all the wrong steps you took?
Want a do over?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you can’t.
Can’t av a redo, but you can av a do.
Good thing is you know better.
Start now and change it.
BE THE BETTER VERSION OF YOU.
Get stronger! After all, that’s what mistakes were meant for.
They should only make you STRONGER!
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Canary word: Present
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I could see this poem in a setting where it's being spoken.
Reading it doesn't have the effect as it would have through speech. I agree, you do ask a lot of questions. I don't mind it, but after your questions you didn't explode with reasons as of who, what, when, where, and why. There was no space for me to interpret your meaning.
I guess to say, you stated a question and didn't answer it in quite the poetic fashion I would have expected. It's too straight forward. Make us think. You gave us the final product with no delay.
Why not bestow upon us the steps it takes to make your final product, and leave it up to us to fit the pieces together.
Haha, hope that made sense.
perdido says true
*LIKED* HALF. You intrigued me in the beginning because I wish for so many re-do's I have an island of wishes. But you just told me I can't and I have do's and I should make the best of them. I mean you simply TOLD me that. If you're having trouble with what perdido says, maybe change your (I'm sorry, I'm a story reviewer) point of view? Give the poem a setting? Maybe tell are story that alludes to how you can't have re-do's. Leave a moral behind, not just an instruction. Like, one day you'll wish you could re-do the time you spent wanting to re-do... but that's no different that what you did before.
Fly On,
Write On,
TheNewHero.
generally I hate poetry that asks a lot of questions. If a poem is going to ask you a question, it should ask... without asking. I know that doesn't make sense... but neither does much anything else in this craft. Basically, this piece has an interesting concept, but what you've got here is bones. You need to hide the bones underneath muscle and skin... imagery, metaphor, allusion, these are your tools.
My best advice is probably to read. Read whatever poetry you can get your hands on. You've got the concept down, you just need to hide the bones.
best,