Hey!
This is my first poem. Please review it, I want to know what I should do if something's wrong with it to make it better.------------- I Rewrote it:)-------------------
ThanksIkafe
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140,778 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
I really like your poem! You really catch the essence of the ' Dramatic poem' part. I think you do a great job with expressing the narrator's feelings and emotions. I think you really write more poems like this! It's really awesome!
Never stop writing!
-Lily <3
I don't see what you mean by the killing him thing...but oh well. I think that you could do without the repition of and I remember all the time but besides that it's very nice.
Keep Writing
-Flower-
Ikafe
I agree with Snoink. You've got to pare away things that are unnecessary and replace them with things that are more interesting. For example... why someone would engage in a murder-suicide that involves killing their loved one and then leaping from a cliff. There is not so much as a hint for a motive.
Is it possible it was accidental? Or perhaps the narrator simply blames him/herself for something that was beyond their control, like they got into a car accident and their lover died but the narrator didn't, and so he/she feels responsible. See? You've got me thinking, and that's what you want. Don't outright tell us what happened or why, I'd remain a bit vague but give some hints... and wrap it all up in a package of interesting sensory detail and I'd say you have a winner on your hands.
Thanks for the Advice Snoink, I'll try to work on my poem, to make it even better
Hey Ikafe!
First of all: whoa! Back up! This persona actually... killed her lover???? OMG. That is so completely dramatic! The first thing I'm wondering is why? I mean... wow. That's really really intense. So I want to know all the juicy details. Why did she kill him? Or maybe it was an accident and she feels guilty... but again, why?!
I don't know. I've read a lot of poems where people jump off cliffs because of loneliness... but I haven't read a lot of poems where people kill those that they love! So I would totally shift the subject on the poem to that. It just seems really interesting.