Cloaked by wisdom; nature's best threat.
If shown all, you've seen nothing yet.
She'll treat you like a cutie pet,
That woodland elf.
Through character charm and bodily grace,
doubted by most, a resourceful race.
Put down your guard and off with your face!
That woodland elf.
Keen pointed ears and eyes like a hawk,
she's fast like the wind and sly like a fox,
she'll hypnotize you will her long, curly locks.
That woodland elf.
Engage her in battle, you'll surly lose.
Insult her grace, you'll sleep with a bruise.
Her temper is under a short guarded fuse,
That woodland elf.
She hunts in the night, bow in her hand,
taken off guard, she is struck by a man.
Unjust is his fury;she rolls to the land,
That woodland elf.
He sees her as dead, and prods her limp corpse.
She leaps to her feet, confronting the source.
The mans tries to flee and mounts on his horse.
And who shot him with bow?
That woodland elf.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, Riot, I'm LastPaladin and though this tries to do something new in this genre that needs some inspirations, it come across as contrived and very weak. You have floppy rhyming scheme which leaves much to be desired. And you never show us anything, it's all TELL TELL TELL! First rule of poetry, 'Show don't tell.'
Okay, to explain I'll do this by stanzas. Okay, you have a poem that essentially focuses on Fantasy and the Toilken version of elves. But then you totally annihlate any semblance of this universe as you insert the term 'cutie pet' that is just uttery sickening is the sense it doesn't belong in this poem, not even a little.
Again, 'Show don't tell.' why is she doubted by most, her appearance her voice, why? Also 'Off your face' means drunk, you trapped yourself into a pathetic rhyme scheme and because of that, you had no freedom to make sense!
Just no. Hair is never hypnotising, the eyes, the body but never hair on it's own. Again the rhyme scheme trapped you.
By far best stanza as it has best imagery and the rhyme scheme doesn't hurt you here. This here is what you should think about when editing the poem.
Here because of all faults I mention I'm losing interest the repetition is beyond annoying and I don't really care about Woodland Elf as you never gave us any emotion and only gave us about a teaspoon of imagery.
In conclusion, this poem has only one stanza worth considering to work on, it got no emotion, hardly any imagery and it tell us everything, locking out readers. You ignore your own universe and never grab us. Why should we be interested in a contrived construct with no real appearance except that of crudely constructed Mary Sue. End up, you bore the readers. If you wanna do fantasy poems, take note and read some poets, for instance Toilken did poetry, and there many more.
Hope this helped.
First of all, your rhyme scheme makes this impossible to approach. I can't tell if its forced or just a bad scheme but it has to change, otherwise no one will get past the first stanza. Especially the line that says "cutie pet"
Honestly, I'd just start over. I haven't had this negative of a reaction to a poem in a loooong time.
I'd read some Walt Whitman, and then completely abandon any attempt at rhyming, and just focus on language.
Try that.