Young Writers Society

Structure. You need it.

Being somewhat of a traditionalist where it comes to poetry, I sometimes have a hard time "getting" free verse. But this is beyond free-verse. I'm not even sure if it's exactly poetry.

It's hard to see poetic spark in a text box.

Perdido's advice is also sound.

I loved the idea of this piece. the artist stuck inside his body,mind still sharp but unable to paint.
some of your descriptions were confusing and I didn't know what they meant. also as a reader I was left confused about what went wrong with your artist.
I agree with the other post that the writing is messy. don't give up on this piece though, just read over it yourself and edit, try to get down to the essence of what your trying to say and say it with strength and assurance!
the idea was absolutely lovely. keep going!

is this a prose-poem? It doesn't really make sense. "My most important tool is now in ruin, and is impair." What??? Something is wrong

Confronting my handicap sounds like you are literally handicapped. Find a better word there. There are other punctuation mistakes strewn about... the whole thing reads carelessly and honestly this form is tedious. I think it would actually help a lot if you rearranged it as a poem.

My advice for you.. now that I've seen 2 of your pieces, is to read. I'd start somewhere obvious, Walt Whitman or something... the work up to some Billy Collins or Philip Schultz.