You know that feeling?
Where..
Movement is a festered tale among legends?
The sun's warmth has an added..
tinge of completeness to it?
Clouds seem to be..
.. driving the sky to dance?
Well, it wasn't like that.
Far less.. earthly.
Heavenly suits it better..
Angelic.
Deific.
I was confused.
But it was such a blissful state of misconception.
The sun glared upon are backs.
Inside our skin.
The sun's intent was made just because of what we had created.
Our warmth was ten-fold..
We needed it not.
The wind..
It sung to me.
And I understood it, barely, as nothing was vividly clear..
Or unmistakingly audible.
I was buried beneath an array of emotions.
That outlined the tips of my fingers..
the traces of our lips.
I forced at first, aiming to feel what I wanted to.
Until my soul relayed to me the beauty in
expecting nothing..
and allowing sensations to find you.
I found life.
With every change and dip.
Bend and pull..
Life became uncertain.
I loved it.
My lungs were filled
over-flowing with water
kept adrift by uncertanties.
Disillusions.
Hopes.
Vaccancies.
And as we parted I realized
how much sweeter life tasted.
Bound to burst within..
The lack of air and perception my high.
And I wished to be submerged again.
Breathless.
Her brilliance.. it called me.
(..it still does.)
[I'm not good at ALL with categorizing my poems. If you realize it should belong to a different group, please let me know.]
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140,871 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
^what a waste of a review.
anyway: first thing I'd do is take out all the ellipses. You have abused them and you need to set them free. I think the main area where you can benefit is reformatting. (also spelling, but I won't get too hung up on that)
Basically it needs to be shorter, and the longer lines need to be broken up somehow. Its not that long lines aren't okay, its just that in this case they don't work.
As for content, I need more sensory details and more THINGS. William Carlos Williams once said "no poetry except in things" Think about it.
This is perfect in every way, it's beautiful.
Hello, I'm LastPaladin and I'll be your reviewer, let me be honest I love this, but sadly this isn't everyone cup of tea, it's 'stream of concious.' which tends to annoy some people. The amount of ellipses can be otherwise off-putting for some.
That is not to say this is bad, it's beautiful if you have a great imagination and you like a poem that brings emotions up and make you experience it.
I have nothing bad to say about this, all I wanna say, is this is extremely impressive. All I can say is delete last line. And I apologize for this not doing much or being helpful but truly I'm confounded by how graceful and beautiful this is.
Sorry, again.