How do I delete this? I don't know how....
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
some grammar mistakes right off the bat: the first stanza should read
Soaring, flying so high
my heart goes out to you
as a warm breeze passes us by.
or
Soaring, flying so high
my heart goes out to you
as warm breezes pass us by
the other stanzas have similar mistakes. I really don't like lines about how high people are flying, seems really cliche. Its fine if people are going to fly, but I don't care how high. And what's with mem'ry and slew'n? The only reason you'd do that to words is if you're trying to force-fit them into some sort of meter... which you aren't. So don't do that. Its awful, your archaic language isn't fooling anywhere. If you want to be taken seriously, you'll at least start out writing something contemporary.
One more thing: lies are misleading, so modifying the word 'lie' with the word 'misleading' is redundant and pointless.
hope this helps