jayflames1

"It was a cold night that day." "The snow falls..." These sentences need to have the same tense. right now you have past and present tense right next to each ...

Good take on a classic tongue twister. I feel like you could have started changing it subtly earlier than you did. Like taking out an e or an a from ...

I fear no more when you are near, Your voice on the phone that calms my storm, i feel like there should be an "or" in here. if you are ...

it's deadly. Not necessary, saying that it has killed whatever many people shows that it is deadly. and are all wars. Even the cold war.... Just not hundreds. because you ...

Honestly, it is a bit too... uncoordinated. I am a big fan of different styles of writing, especially writing like this, but it is just too much. Also, you state ...

he moves off while still tightly gripping my wrist. seriously? This guy is holding him by his wrist? It's such a weak term wrist He could have just as easily ...

Exotic birds chattered... Why exotic? It takes away from the moment, just say birds. Several birds cried out alongside her, as if they mourned the young Dowanan’s death. OK, this ...

the kind that makes gloomy, rainy mornings a little brighter. Add "like this one" after rainy mornings. He sniffed as he took a sip. He should sniff in warmth but ...

Really simplistic poem. It gets the image across very well. Nice use of the word helve.(not common, good job) I like how in the beginning at four it says "a ...

scorching and bold in the eyes of the beholder, I feel like proud would go well instead of bold. And instead of in the eyes of the beholder change it ...

The doctor looked at their file. said the doctor, surprisingly. take out the comma. OK, gonna stop for a second. I love writing pieces that are really confusing. But. This ...

uncompromising and rigid I feel like proud would fit there better than rigid. Rigid describes a... shape ,or a texture. There, however, you use it to describe them as unmoving ...

Are there actual names for these fears? That would be awsome. I like your fear of mobsters line. Your "In fear that others will like the duller?" part is good, ...

(I'm gonna use the fact that I can't explain myself for beans to my advantage here, so I'm sorry if I seem weird.) I like the simplicity you've used here. ...

gonna review this like its any other piece and disregard the written when you were ten for the sake of reviewing. Also i really want the review so i can ...