Fire is often taken as a symbol for hatred,
scorching and bold in the eyes of the beholder,
but used as a weapon.
Most don't see the beauty of her,
they abuse her powers to feel authority,
overlooking the element
to their further corruption.
Those who see beyond the destruction she creates
can see her sleeping soundly in the heart of it all.
She burns her brightest on the darkest nights,
she is the light that opens our eyes to the world.
And, oh, how she dances-
The savage beauty of her flickering fingers and tongue,
feeling for a taste to sate her carnal hunger.
She draws you in like a moth,
She sears with her furious flames,
consuming all in her path.
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140,229 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
I feel like proud would go well instead of bold. And instead of in the eyes of the beholder change it to: in the eyes of others.
Is this referring to earth's core? If it is that is nice.
Are you referring to stars here?
The sun? If all of these were coincidental... Its cool either way.
Pretty cool poem. If you did not mean to seem like referencing the sun and stars it is cool anyway. I feel hair would be better instead of fingers though. Or maybe a dress.
I'm gonna do a review (I accidentally posted it first as a comment so I changed it to this, sorry.)
Nicole here, so, I am not to great when it comes to reviewing poetry but I will do it anyways.
Firstly, I like this poem. This is actually one of the few I like that doesn't even rhyme. Normally, if a poem doesn't rhyme it doesn't sound right to me, but I guess it is because I feel like it clicks together when it rhymes.
Secondly, I love how I can imagine the fire, I see it glaring and being all beautiful like fire is. Therefore I am saying you show great imagery throughout your whole poem.
Lastly, I like that you know how to format poetry, because unlike some others, it actually looks neat.
If you notice, I haven't actually criticized you, hence the part where I am not good at reviewing poems and do not nit pick things.
Anyways, I hope you keep up the good work on your writing, you are great at it.
Cheers,
-Nicole
How did I get so lucky to have got a chance to look at this awesome piece of writing?
See you!
Well, I don't have much to say except for these 3 words: "You are amazing"!
It is such a neat piece of work and I really appreciate your efforts in writing it. There might be some minor grammatical errors but I don't really care because it is really cool.
Well, I really like poems like these but I wish it was a rhyming poem. I know you'd call me a six years old child who loves rhyming poems but I really can make up the rhymes in my head when I read this. So I am looking forward to your next rhyming poem.
It was a good, short, and nice poem written. The editing could have been a little better than this but it's not even a big deal.
I don't even have much to say so I'll shut my mouth (or let's say stop my fingers to type). Looking forward to read more of your stuff. Have a good day
I really don't have much to advise for this poem. Your vocabulary usage is excellent, and your flow is good. I have no idea if this is what you imagined when writing this poem, but using the pronoun she made me think of fire in this poem as a symbol for women. How women, often when they are being assertive, are mistaken for bossy or overstepping simply because it is difficult for many men to imagine women in a position of power or strength. This is especially the case with women of color, which I got from these lines:
Again, this may or may not have been the symbol you were going for, but this is how I interpreted it. The only line I'm slightly flummoxed on is this:
To me, this contradicted what you were saying before in your poem, about her being powerful. It made her seem more like an overly-seductive woman looking to "satisfy her carnal hunger" or something, totally not what I would imagine to go with the rest of this poem.
Overall rating: 9/10
Keep writing!
+1
Hi, Shiney! Well, looks like you get to be the lucky one to get my first review!
Overall, I liked this poem! You really analyze this idea of fire being more than destruction and a weapon and instead something beautiful. The development of this idea is what makes the poem powerful. I do have a few suggestions, though, that could make this poem even stronger.
Your first line needs to draw the reader into this poem, and I think you could change it up a bit. The first line doesn't really sound like poetry, but more like an opening statement or opinion in a debate or analytical piece. It also has a rather large syllable count when compared to your other lines.
"She draws you in like a moth". Is she (fire) the moth? Is the reader a moth? The wording of this phrase seems unclear, and it wouldn't make sense for fire to be a moth when lights are attractive to moths. Maybe "like a spider in her web?" On that same topic, "...interpreting her a factor to their level of leadership" also sounds awkward. You could change it to, for example, "to their further corruption".
My final suggestion is your closing lines. These are just as important as your opening lines, and some literature has that circular structure where the opening lines link to those that end it. You start your poem with a proposal that fire isn't just destruction, but end it with describing a fire "consuming all in her path." This idea of fire's destruction that has been around since its invention and isn't as fresh as your opening line.
Once, again, great job! If you perfect those opening and closing lines, this poem would be even more spectacular! I hope this was helpful
Hey there! Castiel here for a review!
I really loved this. I think you did a great job with describing the fire. you properly described how it CAN be destructive, and how people overlook it and use it as a weapon. Also, you described how it is useful. Fire protects us, and we rely on it. For instance, many people in pre-historic times ate raw meat and died of sicknesses from it, but once we discovered fire and used it too cook the meat, it gave us healthy food and lowered the sicknesses. People started to get bigger and stronger, and it revolutionized our history. without fire, we wouldn't be where we are today.
They way you compared and contrasted it was amazing. It didn't seem like poetry much, though, it was a bit different from poetry.
Overall, you did a great job. Praise! Keep writing and never get discouraged!
Your friendly YWS neighbor,
Castiel, Angel Of the Lord, The Garrison.
Hi! Let's get started with this.
1. Your first line is rather awkward and it really throws me off. It sounds more like prose than poetry. Even in prose, it would sound rather awkward. Perhaps just say fire is seen as a symbol for hatred, then make a new line and say there that that is wrong/misunderstood.
Apparently, the narrator sees the destructive capabilities of fire as beautiful, instead of a weapon, and that's what sets them apart from everyone else. If that's what you're trying to convey, then in the first few lines I'd focus more on fire being seen as a weapon, instead of just its destructive capabilities. This should set up the contrast better.
This, frankly, is really awkward and makes little sense, especially the "factor to the level of leadership." I think I understand what your saying - they only see how they can use her to gain power - but you should definitely reword it to sound more poetic.
Finally, your last lines aren't that strong. "Consuming all in her path" isn't very new with regards to fire. Since it's the last line, it what the reader takes away from the poem, and it needs to be a lot more thought-provoking and interesting.
Anyway, this was a good idea, and I hope this helped!
Fire is a tool not to be misused! I feel that it is used to be for warmth and life not destruction. This is a statement in which fire is a living breathing person. Without fire we would not have advanced as much as we have today. This is an amazing poem, I hope you continue to write other element poems!
You are awesome!
Thank you so much!
I love this!!
Thank you so much!
Hello Shiney!
First of all I would like to commend your wonderful idea of bringing to light the other side (by which I mean the beautiful side) of fire, which is largely seen as a way of symbolizing anger and hatred. The poem is also precisely comprehensive to people, as individuals.
Great usage of words. I really like the way you have personified fire!
Okay, now for nitpicking. The only thing that I would like you to keep in mind is that the first word of each line should be capitalized.
That's all for now.
Good Luck and hope to see more wonderful poems like this.......
Hello, CapitalMonday flying from her nest to give you a review on this poem. To begin, I really like how you describe the fire as a human (personification, if you will) and how the man use her powers to destroy those the man hate. Plus I like the use of the simile
since well.. moths attract to the light of anything! Anyway, getting of track..The main thought of this poem is well express through the thoughts and the movement of the fire, as if you can see the fire eating up towns and men yelling with torches in hand. Also how you make the fire seem evil as it is but still no one seeing its true beauty (or true power.)
Well... Here you go, a review wrote by a bird! (I hope you like it)
CapitalMonday
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this for me! It really means a lot!