A/N: Well, this isn't really a story or anything. It's a joke and is to make you laugh and leave you totally confused as to what has been going on around. I intentionally didn't add any depth into it because I wanted to you read it really quickly and enjoy this really silly thought.
A doctor went to one of the new patients and looked at his files.
"He looks fine to me!" said the doctor, surprisingly. "I, myself, would interview him today and discharge him given his mental state now. He is totally fine."
The doctor went to the patient's room and asked if he could come in.
"Yes, please" said the patient politely.
"Why are you here?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I married a lady who had one daughter, who was 18 years old. Somehow, my dad started
to like that girl and they got married. And from that day, my wife became my dad's mother-in-law!
After a few months, my wife's daughter, who got married to my dad, gave birth to a child; and that child became my brother since he was my dad's son but he also became my wife's grandson so eventually I become my brother's grandfather.
Again, after a few months, my wife gave birth to a child. From that day, my dad's wife became my child's stepsister and also his grandmother since that child was my dad's grandson. So this way, my child became his grandmother's brother.
Think about it, doctor. My stepmother, who's my wife's daughter, became my child's sister; having said that, my own child became my maternal uncle and I became my child's nephew! But not forgetting that I am his grandfather and my dad's child, who's my wife's daughter's child, is my brother and also my grandson..."
"Shut up! You are even gonna make me crazy with this story. Stay away from other patients!" said the doctor and ran away from his room.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
You have a very funny story here. The comments are saying its confusing, I disagree. I didn't try to understand it. I just read, and it was pretty comical. I have to say though. You admit that this is just a silly thought, and there's no depth but I wouldn't say that. There's a whole lot, you could argue the whole thing adds depth to the main character. You could write a story on this guy if you wanted to. Reason being its interesting, or it would be interesting to see how he interacts with members of his family. Imagine talking to your brother who is also your granddaughter? It's a funny situation and it could be fun to see how it plays out. Even as a novella or a short story. Please do a part two where he leaves the office. You could easily do a woody allen sort of humor, and make it work. Anyway if you get anything from this review. Just get the fact that I really enjoyed it.
Oh my goodness, I get thoughts similar to this story all the time, but this took them to another level (I actually drew out a family tree to fully understand what was happening). It was definitely an enjoyable read that put a happy and confused look on my face with its unique plot line, good job and keep up the good work!
funny. I like it but confusing but i like it again.
funny. I like it but confusing but i like it again.
Well this story was REALLY confusing... XD
It was pretty funny, enough to make you at least smile. It was a good length, without grammatical faults or misspellings. Not much more to say, keep going!
Well this story was REALLY confusing... XD
It was pretty funny, enough to make you at least smile. It was a good length, without grammatical faults or misspellings. Not much more to say, keep going!
I had to read this so many times, and very, very slowly. Please do not ask me how many times I read this, that is not important. You have a wonderful talent for making people become confused, and temporarily brane washed. I enjoyed it though, after I understood it somehow. To be honest, I gave up trying to understand the second to last paragraph. Anyway, it still does need some work, but I think the other peoples review's covered just about everything. So, great job!
cool
The doctor looked at their file.
take out the comma.
OK, gonna stop for a second. I love writing pieces that are really confusing. But. This is a little bit much.
take out the comma and the who's.
Take out alot of the who's. I feel it would make it less choppy, if that's even possible for this story.
Also, I am amazing at logic. I cant read this. Amazing job. Keep it up +100 kudos to you!
I`ve read a Filipino version of this when I was a kid. It`s good to read this again in another language. I think it`s not really that funny but entertaining enough to impress your readers
I also think that the last line appeared bland. I don`t know, I just think that you could`ve written other things that would make your last line a blast. Still, thank you for abusing my neurons again.
Heya, Chrissy here for a review!
Okay, I'm better now. Still makes no sense, but I will try to review. 
Excuse me while I go pound my head into the wall until this makes sense. Though I'm not sure it will help much.
Okay, this is a little confusing. It sounds like he went to the patient, but just below it is clear that he hasn't. Maybe just skip the first part about going to him, and just use the looked.
I would suggest a different word though. Looked is kinda boring. What about skimmed? Makes it sound like he just ran over the top of it. Puts a busy edge on the doctor.
One more thing you need to make clear, are the files computerized or on paper? If it's computer, make it clear that it is.
Would or will? Would doesn't seem to fit.
I'm not sure, but totally struck me wrong. Maybe completely.Totally seems a little unprofessional. Also, who is he talking too?
Comma after please. Normal mistake. Everyone forgets every once in a while.
Did he come in? You never say. Why don't you have him come in and sit down by the bed?
Change his to the.
Well, that is it with the nitpicks. I'm am officially confused. And it isn't because my wife daughter is my mother-in-law!
KEEP WRITING!
Heyya.
Omg whaaaa, this was great and you confused me like, woahh. I had to read it twice to simply understand the whole thing. I mean, how did you even get such a bizzare idea :p And I'm glad you shared it with all of us, it really did take minds off a lot of things.
Oh and, I now understand why it is featured
Good job
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
This was amazing. Awesome job!
Nice idea *laughs*. However, how could he become the uncle of his own child? Depth lies in the words not merely in the length of the written piece. So that way, I am glad you didn't add any more length. Or we would have gone baloney too.
Hahahahah this was hilarious. I am confused and now feel like drawing up a diagram just so it makes sense. But I do understand what's happened and it's really funny. XD
Hello, I don't think I've ever reviewed anything by you before, so let's get right down to it. Due to the length of this piece, there isn't much for me to say so I'll keep this nice and sweet. You said that in your description this will make me laugh and confused, you certainly nailed down the second part, the first, I don't know.
In fact I have no idea what the point of this story was, the patient came and visited the doctor and sprouted some dialogue about his weird family and....then the doctor lost his temper and yelled at the patient (how terribly unprofessional of him). Not to mention that the dialogue is pretty flat and lifeless as well because it's just a straight ask-and-reply format. There also seems to be a problem with dialogue punctuation in this piece, so this article will be of some help.
Now, I haven't read your other works but in here the story appears to be abrupt and unfinished. It starts suddenly and ends suddenly, this seems like a snippet out of a bigger story than an actual story itself. You have a doctor going to a new patient but we have no idea why or under what circumstances this is happening. Then the doc asks the patient why they're here and they start talking about this weird long family marriage. Then the doctor shouts at them and runs away, what kind of doctor is he? Go fire him already.
So basically, I had no idea what you were trying to say with this. You might want to find a theme before writing this, if you want to express humour, express humour. If it's satirical, make it satirical. If you have a bit of everything, you end up with a massive mess of nothing.
I hoped I've helped in some ways. Ask me if you have any questions.
-Flite