erilea

Hey, Trina! Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's jump in... "the well the sucks me down," Do you mean, "the well that sucks me down,"? "I know I can’t ...

Hello, PickledChrissy! Lupa here for a review. You know me as Artemis28, but username and avvie change. :D I want to talk about the sentence structures here. I know it's ...

Hey, Jaylin! I'm Lupa here for Review Day! :D 1) Your line lengths are quite different. Some are so long they're a huge mouthful, some are so short it only ...

Happy Review Day, SirLight! I'm Lupa here for Team Snow! :D Let's start... "He mentally sighed; doing it literally would be seen as unrespectful." Unrespectful isn't a word; I think ...

Hey, gema11! I'm Lupa, here for Review Day! :D Natoshka, I feel, is of higher caliber than Troll Food. It's more serious, quite horrifying, and a little bit brilliant. :) ...

Hello, alliyah! Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's jump right in... "A ping-pong ball plus Olympic sized stadium" I think you mean, "An Olympic-sized stadium." (Add in "An" and ...

Hey, BlackHawk! It's me, Lupa, for another review on your wonderful story. :D Again, super hard to critique because it's so lovely and beautifully written! But alas... "The little page ...

Hey, BlackHawk! I'm Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's begin. Your first sentence is a bit of a mouthful, and I feel like if you separated it into two ...

Hey, Chaser! Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's jump right in... "We’re the strongezt,” Sylpher added," Here, I think you mean "strongest." "Moving his hands forward, he dragged himself ...

Heiyo, Zelda! You know me as Artemis28, but I'm Lupa now. :D Anyway, happy Review Day! "I know it's time to end the day. This shadow cast upon my eyes, ...

Hi there, marmalade! Lupa here for Review Day! :D Let's begin... "Novah lifted herself up slowing with a painful groan and cupped her head in her hands." I'm pretty sure ...

Hello, Hikaru! Lupa here for Review Day! :D First of all, your chapter has a ton of "I did this then I did that and then someone said something." Change ...

Hey, NympheaLily! Lupa22 here for Review Day! :D In your first paragraph, you start out with two rather unnecessary sentences giving information that could be expressed where it fits in ...

Hey, Leekeer! I'm Artemis for a review one day before Christmas! :D Ah, okay. You use ellipses a lot. When I scroll through your chapter here, I see ellipses with ...

Hey, Cody! Artemis here for a review three days before Christmas! :D First Off: This was definitely not what I was expecting. The idea was great, the description was vivid, ...