Every time I close my eyes I remember them.
Every time I dream I loose myself in a nightmarish flashback of the events I can only one day wish to forget.
I remember their gleaming eyes, glowing in the darkened chambers.
I remember their little beaming smiles, full of life and excitement.
I remember their cheery voices, their pure passion and enthusiasm towards life.
I remember them skipping into the building, their happiness clouding their logic. They were too young, too immature to understand the horrors of their fate.
Their black and white striped coats cascaded down to their feet like unfashionable dresses they were burdened with wearing. Their sleeves were neatly rolled up to fit their arms, but still dangled down over the tips of their tiny delicate fingers.
Sewn onto the left breast pocket of each of their jackets stationed a golden hexagonal star. A sign of which every one of the young prisoners proudly wore without the knowledge of its means.
They scuttled along, their black, shiny shoes struggling to keep up with the enthusiasm their exhilarated feet seemed to show.
I remember them being healthy. Their skin glistened with rosy red cheeks and perfect pale-white skin. They were happy, not glum. They were excited, not sorrowful and frightened.
They screamed and shouted, pointing at the different chambers and whispering amongst one another with chuckles and smiles all around.
Quietly stood the soldiers. They wore long jackets down to their knees, a bulky belt around their stomach and an oversized hat which they wore with as much pride as the children and their sewn on stars.
They muttered and snickered, staring at the children with not a single spec of remorse for them.
I was the only one who regretted my work as a soldier. I was the only one in those chambers who refused to despicably laugh in the face of the children as if the youngsters were nothing but dogs.
I couldn't help but wonder what these horrid people would do if their children were the ones dragged along into these chambers.
I couldn't help but wonder what these people would do if they were forced to stand amongst the youngsters wearing striped coats and golden Jewish stars. How would they feel if they were forced to watch the Nazi's standing around laughing to themselves in loathing hatred?
The doors to one of the chambers was pulled open, revealing the hollow, lifeless room inside. The walls were lined with dark, unattractive bricks and in the middle of the roof lay one blinding light that seemed to glaze the room with an even more unsettling feel.
The children did not see this room as something to be feared. It wasn't something that made them feel uneasy.
Each one of the youngsters scrambled in, fighting over who would get through the door to investigate this strange and exotic new room first.
The Nazi's stood behind the children, ensuring none of them made an attempt to escape their fate as they happily waltzed into the chamber with not an ounce of fear.
Each night I close my eyes, I see these children.
Each night I close my eyes, I hear their heartbreaking screams of joy.
Each night I try to fall asleep, my ears ring with the voices of the Nazi's repeatedly shouting 'Beeile Dich!', a German phrase used to try to hurry the pure, innocent souls into their impending doom.
Each night I close my eyes I remember helping the saddening event of helping the snickering, wicked Nazi's drag the children's lifeless bodies out of the chambers.
I remember throwing each body into the scolding fire as if they were a useless piece of fire-wood being thrown into a wood-heater to keep the flames alight.
I remember the putrid smell of the burning bodies turning to nothing but thin, white ash flowing through the gentle blowing wind.
I remember dragging myself back into the chambers to wait for the next load of tiny, helpless children to be thrown into the gas filled hell that were the chambers.
I remember feeling sorrow for these children as if they were my own.
I remember wishing I could end my own life just to take away the harsh realisation that this horrible act would haunt me for the rest of my life.
I remember the horrors of being forced to do such a despicable act in order not to risk the deaths of myself and the ones I loved
I remembered the vileness of the events that took place.
I remember the innocence of the children
I remember...
... And I wish I could forget.
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139,872 Literary Works • 672,782 Reviews
As someone who's fascinated by World War II, I greatly enjoyed this. Every Nazi is usually viewed as being evil, but this story serves as a reminder that there were some who did not enjoy what they had to do. I think the best part of how you wrote this is the lack of a name for the narrator because he could be anybody and thus represents all those Nazis who did not enjoy what they were ordered to do. Overall, this was very poignant. I could feel the narrator's emotions whilst I read this as well as picture his expression as those children approached their doom. I also enjoyed how the continued use of the words "I remember" led right up to the ending "And I wish I could forget.", which makes it all the more poignant and realistic in my opinion. Hope to read more from you!
This was a very emotional story in the best possible way. Your use of repetition "I remember" really helps the emotions along. I saw a few grammatical errors and some strange word choices as descriptors. An example of which is, calling the Star of David on their clothing a golden, hexagonal star. How can a star be hexagonal. Because it has 6 points? I think using a different word would make more sense.
Overall, I think this a good short story, though it could use some minor edits to really polish it.
Hello StormCycle,
Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read and review my writing! It's been a while since I've read my story over again but I completely understand what you mean. I will hopefully get some time to touch up those grammatical errors and the point about the Star of David being described and hexagonal is very interesting and I don't think anybody has pointed that error out to me before, so thank you! Once again I appreciate your time and I hope to return the favour by reviewing some of your work in the future!
Thank you,
Cody L. Pearce
Hey, Cody! Artemis here for a review three days before Christmas!
First Off: This was definitely not what I was expecting. The idea was great, the description was vivid, but I was blown away. (Don't take it as a bad thing. It was amazing.)
Negatives: I understand this is a chain of memories, but all you have here is description. Eventually your reader is going to get dragged down by them: The children looked like this, the soldiers looked this, they appeared to be happy, etc. Dialogue would be nice, and if it was more like a short story I think I would enjoy it more than I did already.
You also lost your periods in the last few paragraphs, in case you didn't notice.
Positives: Wow. This is horribly vile, and yet you turn the soldier's sympathy into something rebellious against the Nazi way of thinking. You really show how cruel people can be in your story. This is such a sad tale, but it's only one out of many despicable actions. You did a wonderful job telling it like it is.
Overall: I'm not saying it's absolutely perfect, but it's really good. Keep writing like this, Cody. YWS was made for improving and building your writer skills, so post and share your work! I'd love to see more!
XOX,
Artemis28
Hello Artemis28,
Thank you for the time you took to review my work! I thought your negatives on my writing were very interesting and helpful as I haven't particularly thought of my work as being too descriptive and often think I'm under describing. It's great to hear ways I can improve and I will be sure to take your criticism into concideration the next time I post my writing on YoungWritersSociety!
Once again, thank you for your time and concideration and I'm glad you gave me your honest opinion and are willing to assist me in improving my writing! I hope I will be able to review your work in the future to return the favour!
Thank you,
Cody L. Pearce
You're welcome!
Firstly, I'm bad at reviewing so please forgive me.
I really enjoyed this. It was very dark and meaningful, and I think it is really interesting that you chose to illustrate the horrors, that the Jewish children suffered, through the eyes of a Nazi. You developed the main character well even though the piece was very short, and you managed to give the reader a really good insight to all of his thoughts and feelings. Also, the fact you presented the children as happy and unaware, rather than scared and sad, made the whole story more memorable and heartbreaking, and a lot darker (which is always good in my opinion), as the fact that they were happy only makes their deaths more tragic.
The section of this story I found particularly emotionally-provoking was the part where the soldier was throwing the bodies of the dead children into the fire. It was described in a very figurative way, and leaves the reader shocked. They can only imagine the horrible emotions that the soldier must have felt. I also really enjoyed your use of anaphora in the last section of the story, you didn't overdo it, which can happen easily when using anaphora.
Finally, I enjoyed both the beginning and ending sentences, and the way they fit together. 'Every time I close my eyes I remember them.' and '... And I wish I could forget.' They convey the emotions of the story very well.
I really enjoyed this, thank you very much for writing it. Xx
Hello AmeliaGryffin,
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my writing! It's always great to hear from fellow writers and the fact that you took the time to read and review my writing is wonderful! Your review was excellent and I found it interesting to see what parts of 'I Remember' hit you the most emotionally. I hope I will be able to return the favour and review some of your work some time!
Thank you,
Cody L. Pearce
Well...damn.
HELLOOO. I was just scrolling down and found your short story...and jesus christ. WOW. Not only is your writing style very good, but you made me feel something. I'm not really one of those super fans of historical writing genres, to be honest, yet yours found a way into my heart. Very beautiful, something I've never quite seen and I enjoy that.
I really didn't have much to say other than that. I did truly believe it was amazing, so I hope I see more of your works around!!
Hope you have a nice day/night!
Sincerely, Writer1204.
Hello Writer1204,
Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm excited to hear that you've enjoyed my writing. It's inspiring to hear from other fellow writers and I'm glad that you took the time to read and review my work. Hopefully I'll be able to return the favour!
Thank you, Cody L. Pearce
What you wrote here was a very deep and emotional short story.
I really enjoyed reading it.
Your language and figurative language is well developed and I like your grammatical structures. Especially the end was satisfying. The use of Anaphoras can be very tricky and overdoing it can put the reader of, rather than on. Yet in this story, it works surprisingly well, but be careful not to overplay it.
The main characters thoughts and feelings are well portrayed, though he felt a little one sided. To write a complex character in a short story is of course hard, but it would be nice to see some more layers. Throughout the story, there is an emphasis on his remorse and on the fact that he feels set apart from the other soldiers. Only at the end do we get to know that he is driven by fear of his own and loved one's safety. This layer I liked and adding some more would be neat.
The jews, Roma, and many others were not only used as scapegoats but also seen as lower humans, which was projected to the german population through means like propaganda. So it would be interesting if you could tell the reader why your character is unaffected by this brainwashing, whilst the other soldiers are highly influenced.
Now to the historical context.
I am really interested from what source you learned, that the children walked to their death full of joy. it works excellent for the story and adds a gruesome irony that you depicted with great care and skill. Yet as far as my knowledge reaches, the children would hardly act this way. They probably traveled for days in dark, stinking trains were they were stuffed together tighter than sardines. Before that, they might have lived in ghettos and poverty or been bullied and discriminated against. Also if they are very young, they must have been aware of the tension and fear that surrounded them. And then upon arriving they were probably torn away forcefully from their parents, these separations were often extremely heartbreaking.
So if I am mistaken and there were cases in which scenes like the one you describe would have been possible, then you are welcome to ignore this.
If not, well it does not change the fact that you wrote an excellent story.
Hello Ninlil!
Thank you so much for the review! I am glad you enjoyed the story overall! I will be sure to keep your advice in mind with my future writing as I do agree that I seemed to focus more on dark and descriptive word use and the emotions of the overall scene than I did on characterisation and the emotion of the narrator. I also realise that I need to work more on investigation into the historical backgrounds as what you have said is very true. I appreciate the time you have given to carefully review my work, as all writers know criticism is the only pathway to improvement!
Thank you,
Cody L. Pearce
Your welcome.
And if you have any questions about the NS-period I am willing to help you find answers.
HEELLO CodyLPearce,
A short story about a Nazi's sickening memory. I have to say, this story is amazing! The words you used really described the dark and sinister process as innocent children were put to death in the most horrible ways.
You explained the children's innocence very, very well. They weren't scared, but rather excited to meet their fate. I found that odd, but it made the story seem even darker. You also added the fact that the Nazis were laughing at the children. Laughing at their ignorance.
"Dragging the bodies", "treating them like dogs", these were all very descriptive. Overall, this story found my darker side and reminded me again "Children are so innocent. It's a pity they lose that innocence eventually."
What exactly does 'Beeile Dich' mean,
Night Kaizer
Hello Night Kaizer!
Thank you so much for the review it is very inspiring to hear from other fellow writers about my work! I am glad you enjoyed it!
The words 'beeile dich' are german for 'hurry up' or 'come along'.
Thank you,
Cody L. Pearce