Falling

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression:

Anyway let's get right to it,

I’m falling

falling again into the well, the well with the slippery sides, the well the sucks me down, the well that is so hard to get out of. I know I can’t do it alone but I don’t want to drag him down to. He, who is so bright, a ray of sunshine in this world and me, more shadow than light these days.

I’m falling

falling makes my mind wander, wander to the dark places where my fears reside. They stir and murmur, whispering things in my ears. Playing scenes in front of my eyes of the things I hate most. Betrayal, loneliness are front and centre, those cruel scenes using Him against me. My only star in this dark place has become my fear and that’s when I know..

I’m falling

falling for so long I wonder when it will all end. When I will hit rock bottom, when there will be no return. But I can’t give up. I didn’t last time and I won’t this time. Not when the reward of fighting is so much greater. He will guide me out, whether he knows it or not, it will be Him, it will always be him.

I’m falling

the thing about falling is that you’re weightless, nothing grounding you to anything. Everything that used to before is floating out of reach. The good things slip through my fingers like smoke and the bad, wrap around them winding up my arms. Sooner or later they’ll fully encase me.

I’m falling

“The higher you climb, the further you have to fall” is what comes to mind, I’m still falling. He’s all around me now and I can’t grab on, I can’t hold him like I want to, I can’t run my fingers through his hair like I know he loves. I’ve climbed so high with him or I guess he pulled me up, not unwillingly mind you.

I’m falling

falling is timeless, I could have been here for mere minutes, days, months, who knows. Only me. Nobody knows. I’m not sure what he does or how but He knows. Somehow. It’s still hard to think that he could keep me high if he knew what was going on inside my head. But I know he can, he knows he can.

I’m falling

the cracks are showing, in the walls surrounding me, the ones that hug me so tight its suffocating. Light streams in through those small cracks and as cliché as it sounds it can only be because of one person.

I’m falling

slowly but surely they’re dropping

I’m falling

it will take time, but we have nothing but time

I’m falling

Falling falling falling, but

now I’m falling to my favourite place.

Hey, Trina! Lupa here for Review Day! Let's jump in...

"the well the sucks me down," Do you mean, "the well that sucks me down,"?

"I know I can’t do it alone but I don’t want to drag him down to." Put a "that" after "know" and change "to" into "too."

"My only star in this dark place has become my fear and that’s when I know.." In your ellipses, there should be three dots, not two.

I found no other grammatical nitpicks, but I want to move on to the content. This whole piece sounds like someone is rambling about love. There's a lot of details and the imagery is quite nice, but these thoughts don't lead to much.

Your repetition worked well in this piece. "I'm falling" is continuously pounded out to the reader, and it emphasizes the desperation of the situation. Compliments on that.

Overall, I don't think I have too much to say. It was very relatable like pkidchick mentioned. Keep writing, Trina, and Happy Review Day!

XOX,
Lupa22

Hello!
First off, this poem seemed very poetic in a way and not too short-storyish and repetition is always a great idea to me. But I am a bit confused with the many 'he's and 'He's you mentioned. Were they the same person or was one 'H' capitalized for a reason? I would like a little more clarification on that part. But the personification was effective and I know it may sound strange, but I found it extremely relatable!
God Bless!
rosette

Hey Hey!

How are you? Ready for a review?

So, first of all, the repetition is great! I enjoyed the story like poem, but I understand why you said it was a short story.

A few tiny mini small little things:

"the well the sucks me down," instead of "the" I think you might of meant "that". The well that sucks me down.

"want to drag him down to." to is too. (Common mistake)

"a ray of sunshine in this world and me," I is it me, or mine? I don't know what you were going for.

"how but He knows" Is He God? Just a question out of curiosity.


Now, I want to talk to you about punctuation. It feels like you didn't add any out of 'artistic' reasons, which is absolutely fine by the way! But maybe add some final stops. Just so people can breathe.

For the rest, it is great! Well done! The words "falling" will never be the same!

Love,
Lau