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Corrections, suggestions and comments are all in red. ;) ___________________________________________ Chapter one So…if I calculated correctly, the total amount of this fine looking dress, with the t

Suggestions, corrections and questions in red 1 The air outside was still cool from winter . T he snow was all gone for good, trees and things were starting to ...

Corrections, comments and suggestions in red. CHAPTER-3 SEAN KERR 11: 25 PM 25th June, 2009 Me, investigating a high profile case? I couldn’t believe my ears as the caller on ...

All of the corrections, comments and suggestions are in red. ;) Chapter 2 I watched Carla’s car drive off down the ribbon drive way. The exhaust from the car flowed ...

The poem was very enjoyable. It seems to me that you just began rhyming around half-way through. Was this intentionable, or is your mind like mine and it just sort ...

The first and last lines are very good. However, the rest seems forced. The rhymes don't seem quite-natural. It seems to me that you are working too hard at finding ...

Personally I liked it! It was a very nice rythm. I was sort of surprised to find something about sparrows! The topics are always "Birds" in general, but never anything ...

One of my earliest memories was asking Mrs. Rasalfap why we have to attend class everyday , I could picture the old scene perfectly. The comma should be a period. ...

"When's daddy coming home , " She asks. Her voice trembles like she just asked something wrong. Wondering why she is acting so sketchy, I approach her bedside once more. ...

“Of course yes. But does that mean you have to shout waking up everyone .” She was tired of my work habits. That didn't sound quite...natural... maybe change the order ...

That was amazing! The rythym flowed well through the whole thing and what rhymes there were seemed very natural. It was slightly depressing, but it was an eye opener as ...

I have to agree with BenFranks, it was a really amazing poem after, but those first lines seemed to be slightly corny... I loved it overall though! I love most ...

I thought that overall it was very good! There are a few sentences which could be reconstructed. There's also too much details in some spots and too little in others... ...

The way your eyes dress your mysterious past. I love your beating heart and your ever-ticking pulse, Those were amazing lines! [="BenFranks"] You just make all my pain stop, So ...

This was a good poem! I don't have much to critique, it was pretty amazing! Although you spelt tones , I think you meant tons That's all I have to ...