I'll be a Sparrow

by StoryWeaver13

Published February 16, 2010

In Trash Bin

***Started daydreaming, and kind of just wrote it. Sorry, not very good... :? ***

My feathered friends
Soaring,
Swooping
Without end.
Wings spread wide
Like a kite
Dashing,
Diving
Through the sky.

My feathered friends,
I'll be a sparrow
Somehow, someday.
With wings I'll fly
And break away.
Hopping,
Hovering,
All night and day.

My feathered friends,
People things
Are worth giving up
For a nice pair of wings.
Flitting,
Flying,
Floating,
Fleeting
Through the sky.
I'll be a sparrow;
Forever I'll fly.

Comments & reviews · 7
User avatar
XxMattxX
Review
XxMattxX wrote a review Review · Nov 6, 2010

StoryWeaver13 wrote:People things
Are worth giving up
For a nice pair of wings.


I was just confused... did you mean People-things, or People,things?
Other than that, very nice. short and snippy, but very heartfelt.

User avatar
perdido
Review
perdido wrote a review Review · Apr 1, 2010

pretty boring and cliche. You preface your poem by saying "sorry, not very good"

You were right.

My advice: Read some stuff. Think about sensory details, about specificity.

And whoever said that there aren't very many poems about sparrows, you're wrong.

Also, "people things" was the one word pairing in your entire poem that was actually interesting, so. keep it.

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TheStorm Comment
TheStorm commented Comment · Apr 1, 2010

~I love this, I can really picture someone flying in the sky as a sparrow!

User avatar
eldEr
Review
eldEr wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2010

Personally I liked it! It was a very nice rythm. I was sort of surprised to find something about sparrows! The topics are always "Birds" in general, but never anything specific.
You are an excellent poetry writer, so please keep it up! Maybe even PM me whenever you get something new done! I'd love to read it over!!

User avatar
Stori
Comment
Stori commented Comment · Feb 16, 2010

One doesn't often find writing about sparrows. Well done!

People things


"People and things" works so much better. That's all I found.

User avatar
callmeLily73
Review
callmeLily73 wrote a review Review · Feb 16, 2010

I really love your poem! Its really nice, and I can relate to it. You write really well and I can feel the wind agenst my skin as I read! I also love how your poem has a rythm to it, I find my self chanting it was I read! Which I love! Keep on writing!



Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
— Albus Dumbledore