I hate your eyes
Your big and brown eyes.
I hate your lips,
Your red lips
I hate your kindness.
You're too good to everyone.
I hate your smile.
Your smile that melts my heart.
I hate your jokes.
Youre jokes that makes me smile.
I hate your intelligence.
Too intelligent that you already know my plans.
I hate the way you make your way.
That everyone notices you
I hate the way you stare
The stare that I can't look at
I hate these things because I like you
I never wanted to like you
But these things made me
To love you more and more
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
That's so freakin' cute! Love it! It's a little like 10 Things I Hate About You, but it still rocks! Let me know if you ever need a review! Ttyl, SFS ♥♥♥ x
This line has two little mistakes. It should go like - Your jokes that make me smile
Everything else is covered.
Over all I thing your poem is BRILLIANT
Could you PM me when you write something new?
Hey there!!
It was really good, it was cute.. maybe you intended it to have a deeper feeling
Lots of people can relate to that.. and you have found a really good way at putting feelings to paper... or um.. E-paper?
I thought that it needed more of a flow...
Its sounds repeated... "i hate" is thrown around too much, eventually it loses it true meaning.
Just like love.
Try words (instead of hate) like: *sorry if some dont apply, i just copied and pasted... abhorrence, abomination, anathema, animosity, animus, antagonism, antipathy, aversion, black beast, bother, bugbear, bête noire, detestation, disgust, enmity, execration, frost*, grievance, gripe, hatred, horror, hostility, ill will, irritant, loathing, malevolence, malignity, mislike, nasty look, no love lost, nuisance, objection, odium, pain, rancor, rankling, repugnance, repulsion, resentment, revenge, revulsion, scorn, spite, trouble, venom abhor, abominate, allergic to, anathematize, be disgusted with, be hostile to, be loath, be reluctant, be repelled by, be sick of, be sorry, bear a grudge against, can't stand, contemn, curse, deprecate, deride, despise, detest, disapprove, disdain, disfavor, disparage, down on, execrate, feel malice to, have an aversion to, have enough of, have no use for, loathe, look down on, nauseate, not care for, object to, recoil from, scorn, shudder at, shun, spit upon, spurn ruthless, abhorrent, abominable, acrimonious, antisocial, at daggers drawn, atrocious, averse from, barbarous, belluine, bitter, bloodthirsty, bloody-minded, brutal, brutish, caustic, churlish, cold-blooded, cold-hearted, crossed in love, cruel, demoniacal, despiteful, devilish, diabolic, diabolical, disgusting, disliked, disobliging, draconian, egotistical, envenomed, evil-disposed, evil-minded, fell, ferine, ferocious, fiendish, fiendlike, flint-hearted, forsaken, galling, grinding, hard of heart, hard-hearted, harsh, hateful, hellish, ill-conditioned, ill-contrived, ill-disposed, ill-intentioned, ill-natured, implacable, incendiary, infernal, inhuman, inhumane, inimical, inofficious, insulting, invidious, irritating, jaundiced, jealous, jealous as a Barbary pigeon, jilted, lasslorn, lovelorn, maleficent, malevolent, malicious, malign, malignant, marble-hearted, misanthropic, misopolemical, mordacious, morose, not on speaking terms, obnoxious, odious, offensive, provoking, rancorous, rejected, relentless, repulsive, satanic, set against, shocking, spiteful, stony-hearted, sullen, surly, tameless, truculent, unamiable, unbeloved, unbenevolent, uncandid, uncared for, uncharitable, undeplored, unendeared, unfriendly, ungracious, unkind, unlamented, unloved, unmourned, unnatural, unpatriotic, untamed, unvalued, venomous, virulent, wlatsome, yellow-eyed
so, instead of
I wouldn't worry about changing the actual sentiment of lips, or eyes for fear of it sounding cheesy, just perhaps the wording.
Also, using the word hate so many times not only diminishes the full strength of the word, it also leaves a bitter taste left in the mouth. I can not think of a better way to describe it.
I wouldn't worry to much about trying to fix this one (unless you feel that its important, then by all means). but rather remember for future.
Keep on writting. its good for the soul, the heart, and if you have stress issues
-Channon
I have to agree with BenFranks, it was a really amazing poem after, but those first lines seemed to be slightly corny...
I loved it overall though!
I love most poetry though......
Hey there
I rather enjoyed reading your poem. Although, I do agree with Ben when he said that the beginning is a bit weak compared to the rest of the poem. The first five line made the poem kind of cliche at the beginning. It also seemed a bit corny, no offence!
Except for the first five lines though, I really enjoyed the poem! You have a really nice sense of rhythm, and I like your style.
These were my favourite lines of the poems. I especially liked the first line!
Except for the first five lines, I really liked your poem! All you need to do is maybe rewrite the first stanza, polish it up a bit, and yo will have a great piece of work here!
Sorry the review wasn't that detailed! I'm in a bit of a rush!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
Thanks for all the comments and suggestions
Hey there!
I must admit, this is quite a good poem after the fifth line, because there you get some real pace, rhythm and originality to your poetry. I have to admit though that I really didn't take to your start and I'm sorry, but the
it just sounded all too echo-like and it made the poem appear really cheesy. Now because this was at the start of your poem, that's the thing that stuck and that isn't good because it made it seem inconsistent and sloppy. You could also put some more effect into the language via rhythm and pace by adding in some end of line, mid-line punctuation, that's never a bad idea and poetry is generally better with it than without it.
Other than that, I enjoyed this, so keep it up and I hope this helps!
Ben
This poem is pretty good, although I will suggest a few corrections to be made..
I'm not sure if you intended to go for some sort of rhyme, but the rhyme of the poem is inconsistent as it varies throughout. I think you should add punctuations to your poem, because when it is read how it is with no punctuations, it is breathless. Towards the end of the poem I think you made a typo error when you said..
'I hate this things because I like you'
I'm guessing it was meant to be,
'I hate these things because I like you'.
If you make these corrections I reckon your poem will be great. Keep up the good work
I think this is a very cute poem you wrote. I like how you put it as you hate this and then you love it at the same time. I think who ever you wrote this for is special to you even if you hate/love him. Over all I have to say I loved it. Good job