dragonfphoenix

The biggest piece of advice I have for you on this poem is to count your syllables. Sometimes it felt a little strained because there was that 'extra beat', and ...

You've already heard the two minor spelling changes, so I'll just note some minor writing things. "He?" If the MC's being interrupted, it feels better to write that "He...?" to ...

The grammar of this poem just totally threw me off. "With curiosity, they grasped this big world explore it with passion." The third should be 'explored', and there should be ...

Sometimes poetry is just prose in verse form (blank verse and free verse are, after all, verses). I loved the content of this poem. You captured the dynamics of being ...

Interesting (sort of; romance really isn't my thing). You have the two personalities pretty well-developed, but I'm left with my now-firmly-established pet peeve of both first and third person narrati

All right, minor things. "He claimed the reason he had no friends, was because of the unfortunate fixture on his face." You should get rid of this comma, because grammatically ...

Interesting. I like how you talk about death like it has its own free will, because humans can't always choose when they die, and sometimes it just 'catches them'. Very ...

Much better on the description, and I like how you added in a few more characters (and showed a little more of Willow's personality). There were some minor punctuation things, ...

Okay, I had to stop reading. I seriously had to stop reading this. As dumb as college kids may be at times, this whole kidnapping thing is way too stupid ...

Lots and lots of punctuation needs fixing, dude. You have tons of sentences fused together without any punctuation, comma splice or period or otherwise, and some quotes just end without ...

All right, that was well written, and nothing major glaring, but I have one suggestion: more description. I need more information on what the eyes are. They just float? They're ...

Well, there were a lot of minor issues. Biggest thing, the narrative tense. Is this from Dan's perspective? Then why is Dan described in third person (he, his, etc.), and ...

First stanza, "me until all you can see is red", take out 'can' for better flow. It's just an extra syllable. Second stanza, "Ignore my pleads and cries", change 'pleads' ...

I just read through this, and then went back and checked the rating. Um...I really think that should have been higher. That was WAY too suggestive for the rating it ...

That was a lot less random/journalistic than the last one. It felt more like a story than a 'dear diary' entry. I know a few others have already said that, ...