Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Silent screams
Echo in my head.
I seek and escape,
a haven from this place.
The end is near,
My time may be up.
I stand on a ledge
With only one place to go...
I endure alone:
Emotions no one should bear.
It all builds up
Until the hurt is too much
So here I stand.
One step from heaven --
One step from hell
The ledge which is getting thinner
has its own freewill
like the monster
known as emotion.
It won't stop;
Until I return to where I was created
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,622 Reviews
Rayne here for a review.
I really love the emotions in this, the format is absolutely amazing. My favorite stanza would have to be;
" Silent screams Echo in my head. I seek and escape, a haven from this place." I really like this.
Is there a story behind this? If so I would really love to know the story or reason for this. Keep up the good work!
Hey BabyRayne, thank you very much for the review! There is a story behind me writing this. Recently I had a friend who was struggling with her place in life, she did think she really fit in anywhere, almost like people could even hear her cries for help -- hence the inspiration for silent screams. I wrote this to kind of show her how I escape from life, and that even when it may seem like no one can hear you people will always be listening. It sadly came to the point where she was thinking about killing herself, but I was able to get her some help and show her different ways of expression that don't necessarily have to be spoken. I told her that life and the world are like a puzzle, every living thing and person is a piece, and when one goes missing that puzzle will never be able to be completed. That is why every life is worth saving and why every person is important. A few weeks later she told me that was what saved her life. Thank you once again for reading and for inquiring about that background!
Cheers!
Graham
Wow! You are a amazing friend!!
Hi Gcracker051595,here is Dark to review your poem!
I really like the emotions mixed up here in your poem.The using of diction are so well-written and working as a great poem to read.it is not just a simply emotional wreak, but also has a good solution at the end of the poem.This is my favorite stanza;
# So here I stand.
One step from heaven --
One step from hell-->It's not only convey the meaning expressed in these lines,but also give other meaning implied in it.Which means, as human,we always do only two things in this mortal world, either sin or goodness(there is not in between))just kidding
Well,overall,I really enjoyed reading you poem here!Good job and kudos.
~Dark
Hey DarkKnight9, Thank you very much for reading and I'm glad you liked it!
Cheers!
Graham
I love this poem. My favorite part would have to be, "The ledge which is getting thinner has its own freewill like the monster known as emotion." This poem is really cool and I can't wait to read more of your stuff. Good job.
Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy some of my other pieces as well!
Cheers!
Graham
Nicely done.
On of the reasons I love poetry that it can be and probably is very objective, in most cases that is. You can spin such an intricate web of words around the reader that every time they read the poem they stumble upon something that they missed the last time they read it.
You present a very clear cut and vivid vision of what is happening, not that it is bad in any way, it's just a bit subjective. Overall I loved this poem, My favorite part would be
"Silent screams
Echo in my head."
I am a sap for paradox.
Hope this helps.
BaronFlame, Thank you very much! I would have to agree about the paradox, it can be a very strong aspect of piece! I'm glad you liked it.
Cheers!
Graham
Interesting. I like how you talk about death like it has its own free will, because humans can't always choose when they die, and sometimes it just 'catches them'. Very nicely done. The only few things I'd mention would be the comma in the third line should probably go for smoothness, and then free will should be two words, not one.
Hope this helps!
Oops! I didn't catch the free will typo, so thank you for pointing that out! Also thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Cheers Graham
Oh my god! This was so captivating for a poem on the shorter side. I like the lines:
"One step from heaven--
One step from hell"
I really enjoyed the play on words there. This was a very interesting poem to read and I think I'm to tell my grandma this poem. It was very dramatic and I likes the darkness that was in the words.
Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it and i would be very interested in hearing what your Grandma has to say about it as well!
Cheers!
Graham