You grabbed my heart and you held it tight
You said all the things that sounded so right
You held me and kissed me and wiped away tears
and whispered sweet nothings into my ear.
You sang to me love songs that sounded so sweet,
you made me feel special and swept me off my feet.
For you I would’ve done anything in the world,
I would’ve stood by your side, we would’ve grown old.
I was your puppet, held up by strings,
and you tossed me aside like all your other things.
I gave you my heart and I gave you my soul,
but it wasn’t enough for you to meet your goal.
I gave you my heart but you threw it away,
but first you thought it would be fun to play.
You poked and you prodded and threw it around
until it lay in pieces, smashed on the ground.
But that wasn’t enough, so you came back for more,
you wanted me destroyed, so you settled the score.
You stepped on my heart, and you crushed it to dust,
leaving me broken, sad and without any trust.
I see you with her, the one who took my place.
Too bad she’s nothing more than a less-than-pretty face.
You’ll do the same to her-that much I can see.
So when things get bad, don’t come crying to me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello! I liked your poem. I don't think there were really any problems with it at all. You had pretty good rhyming and everything flowed together well. I liked your theme and all. You had pretty good emotion in your poem and you had pretty good word choice. You also described well of the guy and the feelings the girl was feeling. Good job and keep writing!
The biggest piece of advice I have for you on this poem is to count your syllables. Sometimes it felt a little strained because there was that 'extra beat', and then another, and then you reverted back to the original flow, and then back again...you get my point. But this was really well done, content wise. I liked how you stuck with the analogy of being a puppet and then talked about how he treats the puppet like all his other things. Good job, and hope this helps!
Hello hero here,
You seem to force us to believe what the other person is feeling by telling us without any evidence. I don't want to be told what happened I want to be shown and its rather hard to show with emotion when you use cliche after cliche. I'd quote the cliches but I'd just be wasting your time- this whole poem lacks originality, even the theme.
It doesn't seem honest to me. It seems like this mixture of poem after poem that is just lifeless but sounds mediocre to ears so people like it.. The symbols being hearts and you being a puppet, being swept off your feet. Its almost painful to read. Not to mention most of the lines are meant to fulfill the ryhme scheme and not satisfy the reader with imagry or even content..
I think if you want to improve this you would have to scrap out pretty much every line. Sorry but I am just trying to be honest here.
hero
Bravo! Bravo! Excellent! I really like all the emotion you used in this piece poetry is always better when you use emotion in them. I couldn't see any grammar mistakes. so good job! and also I might be interested in some of your other poetry! Your an amazing and outstanding poet. so keep up the good work! doing great! Keep writing!
From,
Buddy886551
Wow! Thank you!
lol Stories are my forte, really. I hardly ever write poetry.
Hi there,thewriterinside-have a good day!So here I am to make my review on your poem.
First of all,I really like the theme and what messages you want to convey to the reader.And I could feel the deep emotional impact here based on the words/diction you use in your poem.although the poem seem sentimental(dominated by a blunt appeal to the emotions of pity and love), but still has its own strength.
Your poem has a lessons,that's why,it makes a different from a sentimental poems.
Good job and keep writing here in YWS!
Kudos
~Dark
Hey there, lyricalrebel here.
You did a great job with your poem. I make this kind of poems, too. I have related stories, ideas and emotions, that's why I think you did well.
The first few stanzas sounded so sweet and then there was a twist in your story from happiness to harshness which made your poem morbid but powerful. You have narrated your story in a creative and neat way and your choice of words were well-picked so that the readers would understand it. I didn't see any grammatical errors nor misplaced or missing punctuation marks. But a review wouldn't be one without criticism, right?
Your first stanza came in four lines then why were the others ones joined in a single stanza seeing that they're a lot of lines? One of the rhymings were a bit stretched, too, the words "world" and "old" didn't rhyme well. But I liked your poem nevertheless. As I've said, I write poems like those and I hope you'll have the time to read and review them. Keep it up! Kudos!