bubblewrapped

Hey green river :) An excellent poem -- love the rich imagery (foood LOL). A few things I'd like to mention: Broken teeth stand as gaurdians in front of the ...

Hello Trident! I'm sorry to tell you this (I know you really want me to be harsh, LMAO) but I actually really liked this. :lol: One of those tepid nights ...

I like the sort of double meaning you have going here. There are a few words which dont seem to fit, like Meshy said, but otherwise a great (and intriguing) ...

Hey! Nice to see some more work from you. This is a great poem, IMHO, although I take issue with a couple of things: 1. Line breaks. These can be ...

Hey lillizard! No crits on this one - shocking! We'll have to do something about that :) I really like the concept here. It's a bit confusing at this stage ...

Wow. Like xantham said, a real breath of fresh air. A balanced, well-organized and well-written piece of work. Kudos to you! Unfortunatley I have no suggestions for its improvement, as ...

I hesitate to critique this for the simple reason that I find it hard to know what to say. That is, as write me said, it's clear how you *want* ...

I second xantham gum's assessment. There is a lot of extraneous info in here. And "faking" seems irrelevant and somewhat stupid -- dont shove your message down our throats, make ...

First, let me compliment you on a lovely idea: this is a beautiful poem and a beautiful concept. But (and you knew this was coming) even the best of ideas ...

I loved this, actually :D The images invoked are intriguing and just vague enough to make me want to read more, but not so vague as I think WTH?? So ...

I liked this; in a sense, the unfocused nature of the poem contributes to the feeling you were trying to describe (or rather, contributes to the scene by giving it ...

Aloha Wiggy (may I call you Wiggy?)! I agree with the rest on the line breaks; it reads kind of stilted at the moment, but I'm sure it can be ...

Well, this is bad when viewed on its own, but as a commentary on the communion I suppose it starts to make sense. Which is kind of a bad thing. ...

This is really ... um, short. LOL. I like the rhythm, but it seemed kind of...well, like there was nothing to it, I guess. Perhaps you could work on developing ...

Lillizard! Much as I like you, I must be blunt: the rhyming in this poem drives me crazy! As BFG says, it is very forced, and there's nothing like forced ...