good work. it says something. its more than just the useless babbling. i look forward to more.
˜This dream is tailor made," you whisper
beneath a brooding sky: weathered
cornstalks set in contrast to the darker firmament.
˜Only for a moment," she tells you:
trailing fingers tracing the outline of her jaw.
Fumbling lips build arches past
the vestiges of cloud; where outreached
hands may reach and tap the fading sunset dry.
The flash extinguished with the sky
like ephemeral gasps emitted from
this dying moment.
good work. it says something. its more than just the useless babbling. i look forward to more.
Wow. Like xantham said, a real breath of fresh air. A balanced, well-organized and well-written piece of work. Kudos to you! Unfortunatley I have no suggestions for its improvement, as it seems pretty much awesome as it is. Will get back to you if I think of something LOL 
Cheers,
~bubbles
Very nice. Good imagery, an abundance of interesting words, and not trying to fit too much into a perfect-length poem make this especially refreshing. Good work. I can't wait to read more!
A nice breath of fresh air, well-appreciated. I comment only to reassure you of it's worth.
Cameron--
This is nice. Some in-line suggestions:
˜This dream is tailor made," you whisper
beneath a brooding sky: weathered
cornstalks set in contrast to the darker firmament.
˜Only for a moment," she tells you:
trailing fingers tracing the outline of her jaw.
Fumbling lips build arches past
the vestiges of cloud; where outreached
hands may reach and tap the fading sunset dry.
The flash extinguished with the sky
like ephemeral gasps emitted from
this dying moment.
I am no fan of the original ending.
Take care,
Brad
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