Teardrop

Zank you. Zank you. Zank you very very much. I'm changing like half of my poem. But, bubbles, I think I'm still going to keep the: oh me, oh my. It still adds dramatic affect. =D
lillizard wuz here

Lillizard! Much as I like you, I must be blunt: the rhyming in this poem drives me crazy! As BFG says, it is very forced, and there's nothing like forced rhyming to get under my skin.

Besides that, though, the tone of the poem intrigues me. You say it is depressing - and certainly the subject matter seems so - but the tone is (at least to me) very light and playful. Interesting! From this I deduce that the poem is not meant as a depiction of your current state of mind. But no worries - I kinda like it anyway.

As I silently cry,
A little tear falls from my eye.

RHYTHM mate. The first line is far too short and it throws off the reader straight away. Read up on all that stuff about iambic pentameter and so on that everyone always ignores in English (yes, me too) and it might help - otherwise, read it out loud and tap your desk or knee or whatever the way you would to find the rhythm of a song. Or, failing that, buy a metronome. It'll help you find the right timing, guaranteed **glares at her own metronome**

Formed at last from my anguish,
Gathered by another's dark wish.
Oh me, oh my, the others sigh,
When a tear falls from my eye.

What century are you living in? **coughs** Sorry, no offense, but "oh me oh my" is no longer so serious a serious phrase as it once was. If it ever was. That's what gives me the light and playful impression I was talking about.

They laugh at me, hurt, and chant,
They step on me as they would an ant.
Each word they say leaves a scar,
Because they do, because they are.
Oh when, oh why, the others sigh,
When a tear falls from my eye.

Now, what we mean by "forced" rhyming is rhymes that (a) feel unnatural or stick out in the poem and (b) when the poet goes out of his/her way to make a rhyme and completely confuses the meaning of the sentence. Guess what? Both apply here. What does chanting have to do with anything? "Because they do, because they are" makes very little sense. As does "Oh when Oh why". So you might want to work on that.

Their words hurt more than fists or feet,
For they think themselves so neat.
Their cruelty so very fierce,
My bleeding heart they try to pierce.
Ha ha, ha he, they say ere nigh,
When a tear falls from my eye.

I'm gonna outline in bold those lines where the rhyme seems forced, OK? BTW, love that first line. "Fists or feet". Excellent use of alliteration.

"ere nigh" is a bit outdated.

And the whole bleeding heart thing -- both of those lines are a bit dodgy.

As the days go by and by,
My hopes for change will surely die.
When still someone draws so much pleasure,
From causing pain without measure.
They hurt, they lie, they kill and cry,
When a tear falls from my eye.

Why do they cry?

They love my pain,
In their dark, evil reign.
To them, I say good-bye,
For my heart will surely die.
Oh me, oh my, my heart will die,
When a tear falls from my eye.

**coughs** We've been through the thing about me and my so I'll skip it here. But it cracks me up, I'm sorry to say, and I dont think that was quite the effect you were looking for LOL. Otherwise, RHYTHM again. This entire verse is a bit out there.

An interesting poem. As BFG says, nothing entirely original in it, but it was individual nonetheless. I will look forward to seeing you improve it

Cheers,
~bubbles

I liked it, and I'm not sure why I liked it. The rhymes often seemed forced, and the last stanza didn't stay in rhythm quite right. But I loved the repetition of the last line; it made me wonder if the "I" of the poem was God - when God feels sad all this bad stuff happens. Or a god, maybe Zeus-ish... Sinners at the Hands of an Angry God could be changed perhaps to "Sinners at the Hands of a Sad God". Anyway, keep writing, work on getting a more natural feel to your rhymes and being more original (I felt like I'd heard it many times before). Also, try to incorporate even more imagery and interesting words into your poetry. Good effort, keep it up.