I liked this - it was interesting to read, and your language used is really good, too.
Some suggestions:
...when all washes back to normalcy--that dull,
ailing normalcy--the only true souls...
I don't know if I like the section in the hyphens, I think it would work just as well without that line.
...Fellows wait
till they can do it all over again.
This didn't sound all that finished to me. I was left thinking 'Shouldn't there be more?' Maybe you could alter this line, or perhaps add something after it.
In general, I felt this was a really well written poem. Good work!
Points: 890
Reviews: 67
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