bubblewrapped

Forgive me, I'm grumpy this morning. But I have to say I kind of ... dont get it. This sounds basically like a recitation of your thoughts - and while ...

No offense Clau, but I kind of have to agree with Incan here. While you clearly have a strong poetic voice and an excellent style (I especially like the smoothness ...

Hi xanthan :) I quite enjoyed this...just a few things: Allow yourself perchance to dream for seam upon seam of this world is unyielding to all of our happenstance themes. ...

**blinks** When you said long, you werent kidding, LOL. Overall points, to begin with: 1. I think it would flow better if you didnt use capitals at the beginning of ...

Oh my god! **falls in love with story** LOL. Seriously though, it really was excellent. I'm so glad I found it on the boards, or I would have missed out ...

Well, Cassandra caught most of the grammatical/spelling errors and whatnot, so I guess that leaves me with the story as a whole. Some things I'd work on: 1. Flow. As ...

You're new, so I'll give you some advice: as a poetry topic, suicide sucks. It's been done 20 million times and generally is considered very amateurish and...well, cliche. And if ...

I second elein -- as it stands, this story is very confusing and difficult to read. Some points to think about: 1. Grammar. Oh my god. Grammar. And syntax. And ...

Charming, whimsical and elegantly written. I very much enjoyed it. I'll give it a second read later and see if I can find anything to critique properly, but at the ...

LL, I think, um...how can I say this tactfully? He hit the water with an enormous splash that momentarily paralised his body. Roger was knocked unconcious and his limp body ...

Ooh interesting. Dark fairytale-ness! There were a few typos, missed words and spelling errors, but you should be able to find those yourself with a thorough editing (failing that, most ...

To be honest? I got nothing from this. I *know* about the Ides of March, I know it was Brutus, I know Caesar died. Whatever. Why should I care? No, ...

I dont know anything about name changing either, so sorry -- cant really help you there. But I will crit just the same LOL. Overall, I quite liked this. It ...

I disagree with Chandni -- I think the "all" works well in those three lines. In fact, I'm more or less thoroughly impressed with this precisely the way it is, ...

Hey Harpz! Thanks again for the loan of your awesome title, LOL :) Here is the crit I promised! Intellectuals Breaking new grounds Charting new territories Sailing open waters Testing ...