Young Writers Society

It's a load of rubbish isn't it? My first attempt at seeing what happens when I force myself to write. The results were worse than usual. Thank you for leaving reviews about it though.

I think everyone's pretty much summed it up already but (correct me if I'm wrong), in the Salem witch trials didn't they hang them and not burn them? But I might be wrong..

Hello! When I saw the title, I was pretty jazzed that a second person was willing to take on the VERY broad subject of the 1692 hysteria. For me, it's like the twilight zone. I had full intentions of writing, yet, another novel about the Salem Witch Trials, but was going to write a few short stories first to get a "feel for the era - again." And here are two people writing about the 17th Century before I'm able to submit my first draft! LOL!!! When writers decide to dabble in my areas of "expertise," if you will, I'm usually hypercritical, and being a history buff, I do tend to be over-opinionated and a bit blunt. You've been warned.

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First off, I'm not going to do grammar or spelling, as I'm sure you're able to edit on your own accord. Besides, quite a few have assisted anyway.

Second, to be perfectly honest, this is NOT, I repeat, NOT HISTORICAL-Fiction. You do realize there were not actual witches but only good, honest people accused, and being condemded; they were first sent to the prisons. And in fact, the hysteria started with a young girl having siezures, but being how ridgid the Puritan were, they assume this young lady was possessed by the Devil since He could supposaly transform into a normal human for instance.

Giles Corey is a nice example. To get him to confess (which he never did), Puritan Magistrates piled one boulder at a time upon his chest, which at the time, it was not illegal to do so. Corey was pressed to death; he never confessed but it's rumored that he said, "More weight!"

In a nutshell, this story is butchering one of the most darkest times of American History, and is an example of what lack of research will do. And in all honesty, I got only half way, where I cringed because of the great deal of lack of historic facts that made this era so captivating, even today - 300 years later!

What you have written is mearly the underlyning of the Wiccan faith, and even those facts are 95% false. I suggest to fully and completely research, research, and when you THINK you've learned enough - you have not. To write historical fiction, the writer MUST ABSOLUTELY know everything about the world they are re-creating: Speech, clothing style, dates, important places, people, transportation and instruments fitting into the period, such as eating devices or medical, etc.

As for me, I'm currently writing, and re-creating the American Revolution which is my most favorite era of all time! Since I was twelve, I've been enthralled, and so I decided a year and a half ago to take on this very broad period. And in fact, I'm so serious with properly bringing the reader into my world, I have books upon books for myself to reference. Why? Because I love the 18th Century! Hehe... But yes, my library is extensive, and yes, I'm that serious about my work. I don't expect every writer to show the same fanatical desire as me, but remember this: If you cannot be bothered in researching in depth, then historical fiction is not for you.

For a good primer though, I suggest reading, "The Crucible." Two famous victims will be mentioned in the play such as John Proctor and Giles Corey. If you have questions about the period itself, most likely I'll be able to answer them. My forte is the 18th, but I am no stranger to the 17th Century as its roots are somewhat connected to the start of the Revolution.

There is a thread in this very same section, where the story is titled, "undressed," By Reida... Within that thread, I went somewhat in depth with the 1692 hysteria, especially with the Puritans. The thread should serve as another primer before you take on the great tast of months upon months - on adverage - of researching.

Best of luck, and keep me informed of your progress!


EDIT: Here's the link to Reida's "Undressed Innocence," in which he too is also writing about the Trials. In my post to her, I provided some information about the period, I think you'll benifit from it.

viewtopic.php?t=12498

Well, Cassandra caught most of the grammatical/spelling errors and whatnot, so I guess that leaves me with the story as a whole. Some things I'd work on:

1. Flow. As both Cass and Clau mentioned, this is a bit stilted. Part of the problem, I think, is that you're (a) info-dumping and (b) using dialogue in huge clumps, thus breaking up the rhythm of the piece.

2. Characters. They're just...not there. We have two women - witches - who are cursing a town. This is...evil, yes? Are they the heroines or the villains? Do they have any twinges of conscience? Are they angry? Some of this is conveyed in their repeated emphasis on revenge, but I want to know what's going on inside their heads, not just what they tell me!

My recommendations?

-- mingle description with action. So, instead of saying "she had long black hair," say, "the gust of wind from the open door tossed her long black hair about her face" or similar.

-- include a little more description about their surroundings, but again, make it part of the action, so the reader doesnt get bored.

-- trim dialogue down to as few words as possible. These women are in a hurry. They're scared, and they're intent on what they're doing. They will therefore not be wordy. So instead of "We do not have much time..." you could say, "Hurry! They were tying poor Anne Marie to the stake as I passed. It wont be long before they realize we're missing and come after us."

-- as with description, try for a balance between dialogue and action. So far, I'm seeing you do big dumps of dialogue at the beginning of a paragraph and then no speech for quite some time. Think of the way people usually speak while doing things at the same time, and use actions etc. to break up your dialogue and make things more interesting.

-- shorter sentences give a feeling of urgency, so you might want to try trimming this down a bit to make your reader empathize with your characters.

-- perhaps experiment with point of view, going first-person or third-person limited to give the piece more emotive depth.

This is certainly an interesting piece, however, and I quite enjoyed your unique take on the Salem Witch Trials. I'd like to see this fleshed out a little more, to be honest, because as it stands the plot feels somewhat rushed and clunky. But I'm sure you can work on that in later drafts

Feel free to PM me if you would like any help or anything, and (since I havent seen you around before) welcome to YWS!

Cheers,
~bubbles

" Your late!

A cloaked figure scurried into the small hut from the snow and winds outside. The figure carefully closed the oak door behind her and pulled the bolt across. The figure looked down at it's feet, occasionally

2 black candles were burning on either side of a small black pot

The hooded figure dropped to it's knees next to the woman and removed it's

short,curly,orange hair

We can avenge our sisters deaths

If we do this we can destroy this town. We can avenge our sisters deaths. We just need to do this. Even if we die as our sisters did, if we do this then we will not have died in vain.

The woman with black hair picked up a hazel stick and drew a 5-pointed star in the air with the hazel stick.

The lines glowed green and as the star finished a tongue of blue flame encircled the alter, the star and the two woman.

Who practiced there good craft

There screams satisfied the witches for a moment.

as a great moan issued from the sky.

Tye continued there chant and as they finished the pentagram ( five pointed star) dimmed and disappeared.