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Taken Hostage

by Tazy

I opened the shutters of my thirty year old beach house soaking up the smells and the scenery and the memories the good and the bad. I hadn’t been there since I was twelve none of my family had been. I hadn’t been able to face it having lost my sister when she was only ten. But now at twenty two I believed it was time to return after all we had had some great memories there as well. And since I had no family left memories where all I had. I had to resurface the good ones even if there where bad ones to.

I missed my sweet little sister she was so innocent she didn’t deserve to be taken. The police had declared her dead but I never was able to except that. As I felt in my heart that she was out there somewhere. Where I didn’t know. I just had that warm feeling and I think if she was dead it would have been cold. My parents believed she drowned. But I wondered if they believed that as for them it was easier to except. Then to think someone could take her or do worse kill her.

The wind blew blowing my auburn hair it felt like the wind that blew while we yelled for to Claire that fright full day she disappeared. Hoping she would pop out from one of the many paths that ran down to the beach bellow our house. But she didn’t she probably didn’t even hear our calls.

I could see the caves Claire and I played in as children in the distance. And the sound of our laughter filled my ears and it was as though I was back in that time it felt so real. I heard my parents voices echo “children we have to head home it’s getting late.” And Claire saying “awww do we have to?”

It wasn’t as easy to clamber into the caves as it was then but I managed it, just. I sat and I wept but I stopped weeping when a peculiar sound filled my ears. It sounded like people muttering. I got up and looked out of the cave along the beach there was no body for miles. And besides it sounded like it was coming from down the cave. But I thought it couldn’t be. So I thought it must just be my mind remembering back to when we where children. As the mind and memory is a powerful thing it can make many things seem real.

I turned to re enter the cave and screamed. As I wasn’t alone. Three creatures stood before me they looked slightly human but they where a mustard colour and had slits for eyes. I stumbled backwards falling a good meter onto my back on the soft sand. They mumbled something to each other as I tried to get my feet quickly. I was almost up when some rays of light caught me. I felt my body go as stiff as a board. And I was lifted high in to the air and back into the cave. It was then that myself and the three alarming creatures butst into flames and we went down a tunnels of fire I was amazed I wasn’t burning.

I fell against golden sandy soil I was covered in it. But I didn’t care as there where more pressing things on my mind. Like who these ugly creatures where and where the hell I was. I got to my feet my body lose as it once had been. I turned to the right and the left and jumped there where more of these creatures they had arms out stretched I couldn’t see why until one spoke.

“Don’t even think about running away if you do you will suffer the dart of death.” He said I looked at the finger now seeing a dart in the tip and I new I didn’t not want to be on the end of one of those. He continued “it is a most painful death one that usually has people begging for mercy not that there is much point of course for one can not reverse the dart of death. It is the most powerful weapon of our time.” I gulpt. I carefully gathered my words trying to muster a calm voice. But I failed. It was shaky just like the rest of me “what do you want with me?”

“ your blood as it will keep us alive it’s our food.”

I felt ill which I thought was more then reasonable under the circumstances. Blood, my blood to keep them alive.

I never would have thought I would have wound up in solitary confinement all because I went into a cave. Part of me new this was real but the part that was trying to keep me from going insane told me it was all just a dream and a cruel one at that. I cringed as I thought of them taking my blood. Blood tests seemed by best friend now I would never ever complain about one again if I ever got out of this creepy place.

The cell I was in was dark and damp probably worse then a cell on earth and the food I doubted that was any good. I was contemplating on this when the cell door opened and in came one of the aliens. But this one smiled awkwardly but it was a smile never the less a slight weight was taken off my shoulders maybe they weren’t all bad.

“sorry” said the creature as it bent down with a syringe in its four fingered hands. As it leant in to remove the blood that I didn’t attempt to fight due to not wanting to meet such a painful sticky end. I realised that I thought it was a female.

“What’s your name?” she asked. She made eye contact with me as I mumbled.


“That’s a nice name. I’m Wella” she said her smile fading to be replaced by look of concern. She added in a whisper “I’m sorry about this if I had any choice I wouldn’t do it but they make me otherwise we die. I just wish they did it in a better more considerate fashion. In half an hour ill be back to take you on your exercise period.”

“Oh ok” I stated and with that she disappeared out of the door locking it behind her. I’d felt like crying but I was still in shock.

Wella entered holding a glass of water and handing it to me she said “its time we have an exercise track and gym that you can use for and hour then im afraid I must take you back to your room.”

“Cell you mean” I snapped having mustered up a bit of courage.

“Yeah I guess your right, cell” she replied looking guilty. She lead me down a hall which had many doors like that of my cell and I could hear crying from the one next door. It sounded like a young child it reminded me of my sister when she cried as I thought about her the tears that had been absent trickled down my face and onto the floor. Wella looked concerned and I wasn’t all together sure that her eyes didn’t show the slightest hint of moistness. But then again maybe I had just imagined it.

There was no one in the exercise yard when I entered. I was all alone. I felt like I was already going insane was this going to be my life till I died day in day out never talking to anyone beside Wella. If it was I was most certainly going to go into deep depression. I did laps of the track Wella watching from a seat by the door before heading onto the treadmill and the exercise bike. I was about to go and have another run when Wella came over and told me time was up. She marched me back to my cell. We where half way along the hall when one of the other aliens opened the cell next to mine and out came a blonde haired girl. The girl turned to be lead down the hall towards me. I screamed for their before me was my ten year old sister just as she had been the day she disappeared. “Bianca” I called and the girl looked at me her face blank she had no idea who I was. “It’s Carla your sister you disappeared ten years ago but you haven’t aged.” The girls face lit up and she yanked herself out of her captures arms and lunged giving me a hug and bursting into tears. I hugged her back also bursting into tears. I looked at Wella as the alien that had been tending to Bianca pulled her away from me however this time there was no mistaking it she burst into tears. Bianca was dragged towards the excerciese yard yelling. “Carla I love you” before she was dragged out of site.

“So she’s your sister?” asked Wella as she locked the door behind her and handed me some water.

“Yeah your lot abducted her ten years ago” I yelled at her angrily “and now where going to die here.”

“No your not” said Wella her face pulled into a determined frown.

I looked at her wondering what she had meant by that last statement. So having thought this I asked “what you mean where not?”

“I’m getting you out and back where you came from. I have longed to set some of you free but I can’t let you all go we have to survive though I doubt ill be alive by then end of this.”

“What you mean you won’t be alive?” I said shocked.

“I will be a traitor to my people and for that I shall almost definitely suffer at the dart of death.”

“then you cant you can’t sacrifice yourself” I said exasperated.

“it’s a sacrifice I’m prepared to make. I hate living a life being cruel to creatures its not in my nature. I’m an odd uresian and id rather die then live the guilt I’ve felt my whole life.”

“Ok if your sure?”

“I’m sure” said Wella a smile present on her face again.

“We’ll do it tonight” stated Wella and she disappeared without another word locking the door behind her.

Bianca I yelled as Wella entered with her having released her from the cell next door.

“shhh” hissed Wella “you want to get caught”

“No” I whispered “sorry.”

Wella held both our hands and she muttered something I didn’t understand and we went hurtling down the tunnels of fire just as I had arrived. Before landing back in the cave.

“Thanks Wella” I yelled throwing my arms around her.

“Yeah thanks Wella came an odd voice from behind me. I turned and gasped. There behind me was Bianca but ten years older. She was beautiful how we where going to explain where she had been to the authorities for the past ten years we didn’t know. But I didn’t care. I had my sister back and at that precise moment I didn’t care about anything else. Sure id missed ten years but having her back meant the world to me. I was about to re thank Wella when she vanished from before my eyes to head back to her probable death. I felt sad but I felt it had been what she wanted she hated living the life doing what she was doing so maybe in the end death wasn’t as bad as it may at first thought seem. Bianca threw her arms around me. “I never thought I’d see you and mum and dad again” she said “what are we going to tell them about where I’ve been I doubt they will believe the truth.”

“We don’t tell them any thing” I wept as tears trickled down my face once more. “There dead Bianca they died in a car crash two months ago.”

“Oh” was all she managed to say.

Life was great from there after I had my sister back and I was the happiest I had felt since her disappearance. Sure I missed my parents but I wasn’t without family like I had thought at first when they had died. I felt like I could move on in life something I hadn’t felt before Bianca’s return. And seeing how happy she was made me swell with happiness. Sure we didn’t forget the hell we went through but at least we where back where we belonged.

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37 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 37

Sun Jan 21, 2007 12:08 am
Tazy says...

Thanks I'll take that on board i see what your saying.

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701 Reviews

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Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:50 pm
bubblewrapped wrote a review...

I second elein -- as it stands, this story is very confusing and difficult to read. Some points to think about:

1. Grammar. Oh my god. Grammar. And syntax. And punctuation. No offense, but your sentence structure is horrible, your punctuation missing or in all the wrong places. You change tenses, your subjects and objects are confused, and basically the whole thing is messy. I'm not trying to be mean, but I would strenuously advise working on your grammar and punctuation, and sorting out your sentence structure. Please.

2. Character. Maybe it's because the actual text is so confused, but I didnt really get a sense of our main character. At all. You dont really give us a sense of her personality or her inner life, and for the first part of the story she doesnt even seem to really be there. To fix this, I would suggest rewriting with the writer's catch-all in mind: SHOW, DONT TELL. For example, dont tell me that she misses her sister - show her as remembering fondly, as crying, as wishing her sister were there with her. Then I'll know she misses her sister, LOL.

3. Plot. IMHO you're moving much too fast here. Take things slower, gentler, build things up more. We need to know your character before we can empathize with her, and to do that we need more of an introduction. Just a thought.

I enjoyed your beginning, and I think this is an interesting plot idea. I'd love to see you do more with it. So keep writing!


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571 Reviews

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Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:11 am
Esmé says...

Oops, I suppose I didn't tell you what exactly was confusing, did I? Sorry. :)

-Minor, but scattered all ove the text mistakes are a problem here

-You changed times. At first I though that (from teh cave part) those were only memories.

-You didn't give much descriptions. -How did the creatures look like? Though I suppose that this isn't as important as rereading the whole text. Really.

Again, I think you should reread this.


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571 Reviews

Points: 14170
Reviews: 571

Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:04 am
Esmé wrote a review...

Ah, time present? Horrid little thing that it is, lol. Sorry, but I’m going to avoid making corrections when it comes to times, okay? I’m going to write the critique as I read.

I opened the shutters of my thirty year old beach house soaking up the smells and the scenery and the memories the good and the bad.
I suggest that you reread the whole sentence.

Okay, I’m not going to quote the whole paragraph. Just a few suggestions:
a) you have a lot of ‘been’. Why don’t you change it to e.g. ‘and neither had my family’?
b) add commas when it is needed
c) I somehow don’t like the structure of your second sentence, though I’m 99% sure that it’s correct.
d) ‘were’ instead of ‘where’.

Uhm, I’m not going to point out every single mistake, because there is just too many of them. I strongly suggest that you proof read this. Now I’m just going to give you my overall opinion on the story, okay?

The mistakes made it a tough read, really. I have a feeling that you could have put more effort into the story, really. Sorry, but I also found this a bit boring and at times I felt lost. I thought I understood it in the beginning, but later on… It was a little confusing... Uhm, I guess the idea was alright and I liked your vocabulary.


Change isn't inherently good, but you can't stop it, so let's just enjoy the ride. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— TheSilverFox