First, I'd like to thank my Father for the idea to do this. Second, I would like to thank everyone who calmed me down yesterday/today, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to calm down enough to write.
I haven't gone over it and looked at anything, I don't think I'm in much of a critiquing state. But any comments are greatly appreciated, though nothing may happen to this in a while. Think of it as a short burst of distraction for me.
----------
John Smith
Disclamer:I don't know anything about the process of Name Change yet, I scanned a little information. If someone would like to inform me better, it would be lovely.
A plain man sat in the Court House, waiting for his name to be called. I say plain, because there was nothing surprising about this man. If you saw John Smith (the normal man I speak of) in a crowd, you would not want to know where he worked, who he married or what he had done with his life. It did not matter to you or to anyone else. He looked like a Joe Smoe or a John Doe, though the normality of “John Smith” fit him just as well.
The only strange thing about John today was that he wanted to change his name. The other odd thing was the spoon he held. It was a spoon, yes; but why the spoon? No one else had spoons, in fact of the five or so other occupants of chairs (Maybe drug users or ex-convicts if you will) held in their hands papers and forms and the occasional bible but no spoons.
The room didn’t even present the option of spoons, with signs like “No Food or Drink,” and the receptionist behind her desk who looked like she was pensively chewing gum and pushing papers, it was better to leave the spoons at home. Unless of course, you were going to use it to threaten said receptionist into stopping the awful chewing noises she continued to make, but even then a spoon would not be your best choice.
It was not long before John Smith was called back, spoon being carried as if it was a prized position.
Seated in the court of law, he began to explain his name changing wish.
“What would you like your name to be, John Smith?”
He held up the spoon with a graceful lift. “This,” John said, hoping the judge’s eyes would wonder down to what he held.
“Spoon?”
He shook his head and again showed them the spoon, “No, this.”
“Yes, spoon?”
“No, not ‘spoon’ the name, ‘spoon’ the object.”
The judge coughed, showing signs of nervous confusion. “I’m not sure I catch your drift.”
John lowered the spoon and sighed heavily as though this was an explanation he had made many times. “You see the spoon I’m holding? I want my name to be that. But not the word ‘spoon’ or the name ‘spoon’ but the actually object.”
“But you can’t say objects.”
“Yes, I know.”
“But…Aren’t names for saying? What will they call you?”
“I’ve thought on this one,” John said proudly, as if it meant something finally, “The man formally known as ‘John Smith’.”
The judge seemed to be cursing, but the words did not leave his mouth. “So, the object, ‘spoon’ is your name?”
“Yes. Get it?” John smiled brightly
“Well yes but—are you sure?”
He nodded, “More sure about this than anything else.”
“What should we write on the documents?” the Judge asked hesitantly.
“Spoon? The Man Formally Known as John Smith? What ever you like.”
“I mean…It is an object.”
The Documents were signed as, “Spoon (object)” and John Smith was no longer John Smith. One may think that the normalcy following the man formally known as John Smith might have faded, but one would never know. His looks did not change; his personality neither. He did not marry someone else, or get a new job. In fact, if it has not been for his name, John would still be the same person.
The only change was that, when out at clubs, which the man formally known as John did not do much to begin with, girls struggled to get a grip around his name and denied his request for digits. But, thinking back, that wasn’t much of a change at all.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,596 Literary Works • 673,545 Reviews
*wiggles* Meep. I have no life. xD
Joe Schmoe, perhaps?
...A spoon? *reads on*
Judge's eyes would wander*, perhaps?
Formerly? I dunno if formally functions there. I could be wrong.
Hehe. This was delightfully quirky. Has the potential to be satirical, has the potential to be a humorous oneshot. I want to change my name to Spork (object) now. xD
Quirky stories amuse me. And my love/adoration for you has grown even more. ^^
Now, off to read but not critique that story you told me not to read and/or critique. =P
-Saint Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate
Ah - People enjoy this ^_^ I'm glad.
You know Stilltyping, thank you for saying that. Maybe I will read over this and put some effort into cleaning it up and improving it. It's always fun cleaning up old things.
I enjoy the conversational tone of this. It works really well for the, uh, suject of the piece, and you were able to make it sound like you (the narrator) are amused by what is happening.
I think you should build up the character of the person John Smith is discussing his new name with. Like, describe their reactions more. It really seems like John is talking to a voice rather than a person.
I love the concept of changing your name to an object. I think the man formerly know as John Smith should introduce himself to the girls you speak of in the end by holding up the spoon, pointing to it and nodding.
Quite amusing.
I think you changed topic halfway through this sentence?
Other than that? Can't stop laughing ^_^ In addition to the Prince reference, it is vaugely similar to something Dane Cook said where he says he wants to name his child [insert someone rolling their tongue in Spanish fasion] or something of the like (or so my friends tell me.
Funny, Confusing, I love that stuff!
Very good story. The names got a little mixed up, but it was very enjoyable 
Funnnnyyyyy
sorry , that isn't helpful, but this was hilarious!
I would enjoy reading more of this kind of stuff.
I'd have to say, I don't care
Seeing as I don't care for this piece much, I have no heart attached to it, I'll get around to the grammar fixes slowly and surely. I'm dying to work on my novel; but I sit and do nothing. So someone should really push me to work on that instead of these stupid, little things.
I thought it was funny. But, it was a little strange. Good though. I just scanned it. Maybe I'll read it again when I have more time. Sir Writergirl.
I'm in the process of getting my name changed right now, actually! I really don't know if it is done in the same way in every state/country/etc., so the following, as far as I know, is only applicable toward CA.
First, you have to get yourself to the county superior court house, where you are given a "court order" form (which is not the proper name, but I can't recall). You fill it out-- why you want this name, etc. etc.-- and hand it into the clerk with the processing fee.
Then, the court publishes your names (current and hopefully future) in the papers for six or eight weeks, to insure you aren't attempting to change your name because of criminal reasons. After that, the judge would review your case- on paper!- and most likely sign the form.
You'd then take the form and get to the SS office, passport agency, and all that other horrible stuff to become re-documented.
As for a critique:
-I would rework the first paragraph. You're mixing first, second, and third person points-of-view, and that technique generally doesn't work well. The first "you" might be changed to "any one," etc. The paragraph is also unnecessarily verbose and redundant in a few parts-- for example, we know what plain means, so there is no need to say that there is nothing surprising about the man.
-The only strange thing about John today was that he wanted to change his name. The other odd thing was the spoon he held.
So that isn't the only strange thing about him.
-He held up the spoon with a graceful lift.
"Held up" and "lift" is redundant. "He held up the spoon gracefully"? "He held up the spoon with a graceful sweep of his arm"? Also, in the same sentence, it's "wander" and not "wonder."
-I liked the ending a lot. It has a certain wry quality that is endearing to the reader.
All in all, I would say that a quick read through would eliminate most of the errors, especially much of the homonym-type. Work on your wording and some of the redundancies. Your dialogue flows seamlessly; very nice!
This is so awkward for me; not one major problem!
*feels successful* though it was rather short...
Who thinks I should take up more satire?
I think Prince is that artist who changed his name to a symbol...strange! Though because the symbol couldn't be written down, he was know as the 'Artist formerly known as Prince'.
Oh...back to the 'Spoon (object)' I loved it! I agree with the fact that it's very Prachett like though i've only read one Discworld novel.
Tj
lol - a strange piece but amusing none the less. Grammar is sound, I have nothing to correct.
I can imaging this on stage or on TV in the form of a sketch.
**shrugs** Well I guess that one went whooshing straight over my head, LOL, since I have no idea who Prince is. Sorry!
Thanks all.
Yeah DD, I'm...surprised this got out. Or anything got out at all. (Just woke up from another random sleep cycle)
My ll's and my ls', I'll have to fix those... Thanks for pointing them out, those who did.
[qotuote]Quite funny. He wanted to be the object spoon. Is there going to be more?[/quote]
Should there be more? Of this particular story, or more satire? This, I think, will go no further but... I can try to work myself around more satire at some point in time. I want to (When life settles down and resumes what normality may be left) try to work on my novel at a better pace. So...We'll see.
I really liked this Claud, I felt that it was really funny(I had gotten the Prince idea at the end of your post LOL) But also it had that strange and confusing feeling of 'Meet Joe Black' if you've ever watched it. I loved how he was so sure and no one ever really caught on. This was Hylarious and also very amusing in a good way. Great job!
This was remeniscent of Prince's awful symbol name.
The only things I can point out are the use of formally v. formerly, and "actually" in the line "But not the word ‘spoon’ or the name ‘spoon’ but the actually object.” should be "actual"
Otherwise, I was curious as to what struck the man to change his name to be an object.
Quite funny. He wanted to be the object spoon. Is there going to be more?
Terry Pratchett is one of the best selling British authors, beaten only JK Rowling. He's the author of the fantasy humour/satire series, Discworld. He also has a beard.
I loved it, Clau. ^_~ I wouldn't be able to write humor when in my best frame of mind, let alone in the middle of anxious worry.
I liked the introduction best of all, with the receptionist and the gum, Smith and the spoon. ^_^ I actually laughed out loud - so random and ridiculous that it was great.
One question:
Now is that 'the man formally known as John Smith' or is that 'the man formerly known as John Smith'?
Bubbles: Thanks all the same, and I think you are looking into it too far into it. This is actually a joke on Prince and when he changed his name to an unspeakable symbol. More than any real..."saying something about the way names objectify things, and that people named John Smith are always forgotten" I was just trying to make a Joke
I'll change the sentence. BTW: Who is Pratchett? Never read him, lol.
Sureal: Merci. Loved the little spoon icon
I'm sorry; I can't think of anything to crit with this, so I'll leave that to others more skilled in the sacred art of critting.
is shouting, rather than sounding exicted.
Instead, I'll say what I liked about it:
The idea is so randomly absurd, it really worked for me. The narrator's voice - reminiscent, in some ways, of Pratchett - fits the tone of the story well.
Ooh - the critting side of me has just thought of something:
'“I’ve thought on this one!”'
- I don't really like the exclamation mark. To me, it makes it sound as though
I dont know anything about name changing either, so sorry -- cant really help you there. But I will crit just the same LOL.
Overall, I quite liked this. It was funny, but it was also rather confusing, until the last line anyway. I'm assuming you're saying something about the way names objectify things, and that people named John Smith are always forgotten? Or something? I dont think I fully grasped the message, but this is possibly because I'm feeling particularly thick today
Anyway. I'm just saying that perhaps you could...I dont know. Explore it a little more so that the reader (i.e. me) is sure they understand you properly (without, of course, coming right out and saying it straight LOL).
One small thing I had a problem with (aside from being confused) was this line: He looked like a Joe Smoe or a John Doe, though the normality of “John Smith” fit him all the same.
I dont think the "all the same" idea fits...Perhaps, "just as well"? And perhaps change "normality" to "banality" (but this is me being fussy LOL).
Otherwise, certainly an interesting read. If I were sure I understood it properly I'd have more to say I think but that's it for now
Cheers,
~bubbles